Arghhh!!!!

[tasksgirl]

Does anybody else feel like their hubby's just DON'T care about this process?? I just got back from the grocery store where we had a HUGE fight because hubby was FREAKING out about buying enough sodas for his (small) family of 4 people for dinner tomorrow.. He spent 5 mins trying to decide whether to buy lemonade mix or sodas.. He was like AGONIZING and moping around the store.. I asked him how come he gets SOOO stressed out and uptight about the tiniest things when the big things like school and the immigration petition he NEVER gives a crap about and I end up doing EVERYTHING.. I feel like I work, I pay the bills, I do the homework, sign up our classes, make our schedules, buy his food, worry about immigration stuff, and he just does NOT appreciate it at ALL. I have told him 50 times I feel like I have the ENTIRE emotional burdens of our entire lives on me and that it hurts me when he does NOT worry about big things and leaves it all to me. He doesn't change. Yet when I want to have fun with him and relax - THEN he gets all uptight?? About SODAS?? But not IMMIGRATION and your LIFE?? Like our first Valentines day - the restaurant was a 10 minute walk up a hill - It was BEAUTIFUL! The sun was setting, it was calm and serene, he complained the WHOLE way and ruined the whole dinner.. when we went to the beach he complained about the sand, and the sun, and how he couldn't lay down.. what do I do?? Am I just stuck dealing with his attitude or is there anything I can do to change it?? His dad is this way too - very stubborn and once something gets him in a bad mood- he's gonna stay that way !!

Sorry I just had to vent.. I've been with him 7 years already and I guess he's bound to drive me crazy at some point... right????

[SHELLYFCO]

Hang in there taskgirl, I feel your pain and completely sympathize. I feel that because you are carrying the burdon of the immigration process on your shoulders (which is huge in itself), along with the responsibility of working, cooking and caretaker, you are bound to have days when the iceberg tips and in turn, the smallest thing can really strike a nerve. You know the saying, when you have a problem and tell someone else, you give them your problem...because then they are thinking about it and of course, you feel a sense of relief to some degree. Your hubby knows how dedicated you are to this immigration process and by all acounts, he knows he can rely on you...he is allowing you to handle it, the good, the bad, the ugly..you are worrying enough for all of you. You've got a lot on your mind and my guess is that you're not feeling very appreciated for your hard work and dedication to making hubby's status official and legal. Hang in there. I'm sure you're not alone in running the show, we've all been there.

[jsalas]

I think its just men, they don't think like we do. And its good to vent, this is probably the best place to vent because I know whenever my boyfriend listens to me vent its more likely considered b******* But from my experience with him it has been more like he doesn't want to worry about or think about this because he knows what is at stake and he just tries to go with the flow. Again I think its just men....:bang:

[egonzalez1975]

I think that some may not want to admit it but the majority of us have been in your shoes. And, it is just men. Even though they want to have the title of "man of the house" the reality is that we are the rock. I remember before we went to our appointment I was up every night trying to make sure everything was taken care of and that all the bills were forewarded to my sisters, writing the hardship letter, finding a storage for our things since I went with him, etc. Oh yeah and working like a crazy person. They don't get it and it is probably a lot of our fault because we take the load on ourselves (since we know that they probably won't do it right anyway). At least for me I know that is the problem. It is just easier for me to do it than to have to get aggravated with him and then on top of that re-do it.

Just never feel alone about these types of things. I have just come to the conclusion that most men are just big babies. They are not able to handle the amount of stress that we handle and so are unable to psychologically get why something as small as deciding on a drink would be so irritating. That IS his big concern because you are handling everything else. Does that make sense?

It's alright, just like when I get angry with my husband over the same type of stuff then the next day he will do something to try and show me that he does understand (even though that's not possible :rolleyes:).

[ratito921]

I guess I had a rare find when it came to immigration because my hubby did help me with everything I asked him to help me with. I calmed down once our waiver was submitted, but then started getting nervous when it wasn't approved quickly.

As for life, he makes me nuts and we have decided to agree to disagree and leave it at that. We are absolute opposites in every aspect. we don't argue, but he does piss me off sometimes. Sometimes I just let him have it. He doesn't get it and I have come to the conclusion that it is a man thing. I'm with ellie, they're all babies in one aspect or another.

The good thing is we work through our differences, the bad thing is is that I am just as stubborn as he is and less forgiving so it makes for an interesting exchange. :)

I don't know that there is a way to change it. I tell my husband all the time that I'm not a mind reader. I ask him stuff and he just gives the one word answer.

have you ever seen the Bill Engvall bit about the difference between men and women? If you haven't, you should. Check it out: http://youtube.com/watch?v=gACeaAQIdDQ
it's rather truthful, especially about the divorce convo....too funny

[djones9714]

Honey, let me tell you something. After 31 years of being married, it doesn't change regardless of whether it is immigration or something else you will be taking care of. My husband can't even find something when it is on the shelf right in front of his eyes. He has made me mad so many times that it is obvious that he is completely lost without me. I feel like I am raising 3 children instead of 2. However, at the end of the day when everything has settled down and I go to bed, I am glad he is beside me and not out with his friends at some bar drinking or chasing women. So the bottom line is: Yes, I am happy to be married to him even after all of his faults and he loves me with all of my faults too and believe me I have many.

Hang in there because you are the rock as so many have said and you will find a way to deal with it.

[lexidoodle]

Honey, let me tell you something. After 31 years of being married, it doesn't change regardless of whether it is immigration or something else you will be taking care of. My husband can't even find something when it is on the shelf right in front of his eyes. He has made me mad so many times that it is obvious that he is completely lost without me. I feel like I am raising 3 children instead of 2. However, at the end of the day when everything has settled down and I go to bed, I am glad he is beside me and not out with his friends at some bar drinking or chasing women. So the bottom line is: Yes, I am happy to be married to him even after all of his faults and he loves me with all of my faults too and believe me I have many.

Hang in there because you are the rock as so many have said and you will find a way to deal with it.

:bounce::bounce::bounce: AIN'T THAT THE TRUTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

[cs&mswaiting]

My husband was the same way about the immigration stuff UNTIL we got to CDJ and he seen how well prepared his packet was compared to some people who didnt even know about it! But before, he was like he didnt understand why I stayed up til 3am to do little things and make sure everything was perfect and in order. Oh, and before we left for CDJ, I decided we should go to the pumpin patch and have a memorable time with our dtr, all he did was complain because it cost $30. The whole darn time was about 30this and 30 that. I thought we were going to have a memorable time since it could have been a long time before he came home, OH NO, it was all about the $30. I think its just ALL men.

[tasksgirl]

lol wow great to see I am not alone..! We did have a talk last night and he said a huge part of it (his lack of motivation) is because he feels like no matter what he does (school, work, etc.) it's pointless without the "papeles" .. so yeah I guess I could understand how I would get stuck like that too..

But yeah most of it definately is just men haha.. they would be sooo lost without us !!! Then again, sometimes I know I would feel lost if he wasn't my "protector" .. wow thousands of years later and we still have those old roles.. no matter what we do !

[needhelpfast]

Yes, I can relate too. :(
A little discouraged that they don't change even after 31 years of marriage, but you gotta agree with the laying down in bed with them at night part, glad that they're there....:D

[KE06]

Oh man, ladies, I hear ya'! It's funny how it works, isn't i? We really are the rocks. Sometimes it feels like I am the only one who cares about the "serious" stuff. I think it is just the way they are geared, though. I like to think it's because the just know that we will handle it better! :) Really, I think a lot of times things scare them and to men it's so uncool to admit that so they just act indifferent.

EGONZALEZ - My hubby is like that too. He will always come up with some little something to show he does care. I feel lucky about that. We have had some big problems in our time together, but hopefully we are on the right track now. But believe me, I still get SO mad sometimes!

[djones9714]

Ladies: I am the lady with the husband and have been married for 31 years. How can I teach him how to use an ATM. He says to me "honey, do you have any money?" I always say, "you need money. I thought you had an ATM card." And he responds "yeah, I do but you usually take care of me and ask me if I need money." I am going to lose it one day with so much love.:ah:

[DeBenny]

I will join this club as well. Sometimes I feel like my brain is working for two. I have to think about my every day thigs and his. It literaly makes me tired. I love my husband even though at times he could drive me nuts. He sometimes would do little things to let me know that he is thinking about me and wanting to releave my stress.

I agree with all of the other ladies that have posted that men react to this issues in a totally different manner than we would. We women are about the details. They dont get that it counts until the last minute, like cs&mswaiting posted.

[LilB]

Honey, let me tell you something. After 31 years of being married, it doesn't change regardless of whether it is immigration or something else you will be taking care of. My husband can't even find something when it is on the shelf right in front of his eyes. He has made me mad so many times that it is obvious that he is completely lost without me. I feel like I am raising 3 children instead of 2. However, at the end of the day when everything has settled down and I go to bed, I am glad he is beside me and not out with his friends at some bar drinking or chasing women. So the bottom line is: Yes, I am happy to be married to him even after all of his faults and he loves me with all of my faults too and believe me I have many.

Hang in there because you are the rock as so many have said and you will find a way to deal with it.

You know, I think that's why I put up with him so much after 8 years of being together. My hubby is completely lost without me either! He's told me that straight up both times I was seriously packing my bags to move out. (Of course, he told me that after we were happy with each other again). He is nothing without me. I hate to sound all conceited but it's true. I know it and he sure as heck knows it too!

[Dorothea]

They are all the same.
When we were getting ready to move to Mexico last year I was ready to murder him! Then getting the papers together... and now... lol!
I honestly believe that he doesn't take care of basic needs in his life because I'm not there to provide for him... poor baby!
Actually, I truly miss a lot of things about it :innocent:
You never know what you're missing until it's gone...