law school and marriage

[Laura]

So, Fermin and I had a little argument last night, and it turned out to sort of be about my law school dreams, more specifically that he's not as keen on moving to Madison as he expressed when we originally talked about this. He doesn't really want to sell our house, change jobs, move away from his family that is in Milwaukee, leave his beloved kick-boxing school (lame, yes, but really one of his reasons) etc. Neither of us really wants to wait until I am 33 to have kids, but I can live with that, and him, well, not quite so happy about it. The argument sort of ensued because if we are going to leave the city for three years, I don't want to have to worry about renting our house, and having to deal with any problems that would arise with that. He got annoyed probably because I implied that his siblings won't take care of the house to my standards (which aren't that high, but nonetheless, something goes wrong in the house I am always the one to take initiative to get it fixed or whatever).

Anyway, last night we ended our already awkward discussion rather abruptly, but this afternoon we had a really good talk. There is a part-time law school program at Marquette University (which is in downtown Milwaukee, about 10 minutes from where we live) and I had been meaning to check that out, particularly if I don't get into UW-Madison, which is going to be extremely difficult anyway because it's top tier.

So.... we talked and talked and I started to agree that the best thing for us as a unit would really be for me to go to Marquette part-time. They have an evening program, and if you do the summer semesters as well, you can actually finish in four years, which isn't bad. I could work full-time and then if we did have a baby in a year or two I could continue with my studies and just quit my job. My only problem with Marquette is that it's way more conservative than Madison and educationally, it just won't be as good. However, I already know what I want to do, so most respectable law schools would get me what I need, in combination with my own self-study of immigration laws and application.

Anyway, I'm still applying to UW-Madison as well, but I'm realizing that I've been a little selfish about this whole thing, and part of marriage is sometimes about sacrificing something you might really, really want for something that will probably turn out to be just as good if not better in the long run. There are certainly things that he has given up for me as well, so it's only fair.

So, I was doing some more research on the Marquette law site, and here's probably the worst part about the whole thing. The address of the school:

Marquette University Law School
Sensenbrenner Hall, Room 116 :curse:
1103 West Wisconsin Avenue
Milwaukee, WI 53233

I mean honestly, as if it isn't shame enough to live in a metro area with enough people who keep re-electing this jerk, now I might end up having to go into a building named after him every day, to study law so that I can assist immigrants! Frankly, I think this is probably the worst obstacle I'll have to overcome if I actually end up going there.... :rolleyes:

I hope everyone is having a nice weekend...

[inlimbo]

laura, sorry you're havign these difficulties. I don't have much insight other than to say that one way you could look at it is as if you're cleverly going to work from inside the 'evil empire' (so to speak) in order to tear down it's very evil existence. (Sensenbrenner, eeek!!!! just seeing that name gives me the heeby-jeebies!)

Just to play devil's advocate, does Fermin realize how wonderful Madison is, not just the school but the community itself--and the quality of life? And there is a thriving Latino community, not to mention that Madison is only an hour away from Milwaukee? Just something to think about if you can't shake the idea of Madison...

I agree though, that if you are going into law school with your area of interest clearly drawn out, that will help you to get what you need from any program.

[djones9714]

Laura: My daughter sped up getting her degree by attending during the summer which saved her a whole year of college. I went to college at night while I worked full-time and also check into the college about Saturday and Sunday classes. That saves a lot of time also.

In addition, check to see if the University of Madison offers any on-line courses, etc. that would assist you in not moving out of the area.

[cindy101]

I think you are a driven enough person that no matter where you go to law school you will kick butt and take names...

The only thing that matters is how you use it, not how/where you get it. Your integrity and intelligence are your real credentials- not the piece of paper you will take away.

As much as the alternative plan isn't your first choice, it sounds like it will give you a lot more flexibility- good luck either way!

[Marie]

well i understand compromise but if you are also looking at the level of education and feel that Madison is better, I'd push it too.

Someone said it's an hour away, can you not drive or would that just be a hassle?


I'm glad you guys talked it out though and got it figured out..for now.

[Laura]

I appreciate all your insights.

UW-Madison is superior academically, but there's also a good chance I won't get in, so if anything the Marquette program, either full-time or part-time, is something I can fall back on (and I'm quite confident at this point that I'll get into Marquette).

When I first had this idea, and we talked about it, I was thinking that the private or out-of-state tuition was not an acceptable option for us, which was why I was only considering UW. If I end up going to Marquette part-time, I can keep my full-time job (where as you all know, I have a lot of down-time, so that would actually probably assist my studying) and pretty much put myself through a lot of it with less loans, so the debt in the end would be comparable or less than what I would have from UW.

As far as Madison the city, it's not that he doesn't want to move there, it's more that he doesn't want to leave Milwaukee. And actually, it's surprisingly sad for me to think about leaving Milwaukee too. I never thought I would want to live here permanently, but I love it, even our not-so finished house and neighborhood, besides the fact that I have a lot of friends and family here.

Anyway... I'm not sure what I'll do if I do get into UW-Madison. I don't really like the idea of commuting, but I have a friend who commutes there from Milwaukee (she's getting her PhD) so I'll have to talk to her about it. I think the first-year intensity of law school would make that option extremely difficult. I could always rent a tiny apartment or a room with someone there and live there during part of the week and come back on weekends... but we'll see. I think Fermin would be okay with my commuting, and I understand his not wanting to leave Milwaukee, he's sort of a homebody man, and he does have a lot of things going for him right now with his current job and whatnot.

Thanks for all your insights! ;)

[Adriane]

Sometimes in marriage you have to compromise on an issue and pick an option in the middle- but sometimes compromise means one person getting what they want because at other times, the other half gets things all his or her way.

Mr. Adriane and I have had similar discussions, but for things like this he needs to understand that your life is really his life too. If you can get into U of W, you should really go and he should try hard to support you. You wouldn't just be doing this for you- you'd be doing this for your whole family.

I hope you're able to work things out. Good luck!

[ictomi]

I can only speak from my own experience when it has come to making life changing decision this has been so true for me.

Sometimes the best decision is not the easiest path and the easiest path is not always the wisest decision.

Every time it was hard to choose which way I wanted to go it was only hard because the most successful path for me was the hardest one to take.

You and your husband deserve to be successful, and success is only what you declare it will be.

[Laura]

Well, graduating from Marquette or UW will both get me success, but going to Marquette would mean significantly less disruption in our life, for me and him.

I am still totally keeping the door open for UW if I get in, but in every sense other than the purely academic one, Marquette is a better choice.

And considering I already know what my direction is after law school (and neither school has a specific immigration track) the more I think of it, the less it seems like a sacrifice.

[Ana Maria Schwartz]

I just wanted to give my two cents after having been through law school (which had a part-time and evening program too) and now having my boyfriend and my father (yes, my father!) in law school. Funny thing- my boyfriend and father are in the same year of law school but fortunately at different schools. My father's commute is a little over an hour each way to Rutgers where he's in school and his first year was very difficult and as a result and he did end up getting an apartment on campus that he shared with someone else who was in a similar situation as him. He doesn't need one now that he's in his second year and can choose his own schedule.

Meanwhile, I bought a house less than 10 minutes from the University of Texas, where my boyfriend is in law school and he is so grateful. We used to live 30-40 minutes away if there was traffic or 10-15 minutes if there wasn't and in your first year you just don't have the time or emotional energy to deal with traffic. People need to study all the time in first year and maybe you and Fermin should look at it really as a one year program- would he move if it's just for a year? And with gas prices the way they are- it's probably worth it to be on campus if you get into the University of Wisconsin.

Anyway- I gotta get back to work here but good luck with this!

[meesh]

Laura,

I just wanted to say that the part-time program at Marquette sounds like a good opportunity. Although it may not be as prestigious as Madison, you appear to have the initiative and motivation to take full advantage of your law school experience, where ever that may be. The part-time program may allow the flexibility you need to continue working, as well as start a family if you so choose.

I am in the process of applying to law school too, and I am considering staying in town for a part-time evening program. I would consider it to be a sacrifice, but it means that my husband will not have to change jobs. I will also be able to continue to work part-time at my job, so that will pay for a portion of tuition. We don't plan on starting a family in near future, so that isn't an issue (yet).

On a side note, I went to a private, conservative university for my undergrad work. I learned a lot about myself while I was there because I was streched outside my comfort zone in many ways. I understand your hesitation about the Sensenbrenner Hall, though! Whether you end up at Marquette or in Madison, you will shine, especially with your husband by your side supporting you each step of the way. Good luck on the upcoming LSAT. I hope your studying pays off!

[gdalicia]

This conversation sounds so similar to the one that hubby and I had when I talked about me wanting to go to law school. He doesn't really want to have to move anywhere and really wants to start a family. Problem is, we are a bit older than you two and I already have a 10 year old so that really complicates the situation. I eventually ended up deciding that I could not have children and go back to school. My daughter already went through one college experience with me when I went back to get my undergrad degree so that factored heavily into my decision making as well. But yes, it does feel like a compromise and some days I feel better about it than others.

Marquette sounds like Santa Clara University (where I enrolled in the part time MBA program before I realized I hated B school)! Private, Jesuit, offers part time study. If you want to practice locally, a degree from Marquette will probably be identical to a degree from UW. I know it feels a bit less exciting, but it's a good compromise. I would still apply to UW because if you get in your hubby might feel differently. Either way, you will be an awesome lawyer, Laura! My advice is to keep your options open and then you can make the best decision once all the possibilities are on the table.

[Dorothea]

It's hard to make these decisions! The thing is that you know what you need, you know how either school would be a positive or negative.
I think when the time comes to make the decision you will know exactly what you should do!
And stop saying you probably wont get into UW! Start saying maybe you will!! Lol, I know, you don't need a pep talk!

[Laura]

LOL - I don't have low self-esteem, I'm just realistic. :bounce:

If I didn't think I had a chance, I wouldn't even have pursued all this, because it was the only school I was considering, but now that I'm more and more excited about an eventual law career, and because of the way Fermin is feeling, Marquette is a good option to have one way or another. I'm far more likely to get in there though as well....

Thanks everyone for helping me process this. I appreciate all your insight.

[ecobian]

Laura, as far as the Sensenbrenner thing, just think of it this way, you'll be using that place to hit him were it hurts and that is your best revenge!

[Laura]

Laura, as far as the Sensenbrenner thing, just think of it this way, you'll be using that place to hit him were it hurts and that is your best revenge!

Haha - that's exactly what my husband said!

[tasksgirl]

Lol! That is sooo funny about the Sensenbrenner thing.. wow..

Kudos to you for wanting to become an immigration lawyer!! I have considered that as well but I have a loooong way to go still before I get anywhere close to deciding a real career..

I wish all immigration lawyers as intelligent and compassionate as you!! Half these people I just wonder why the hell they wanted to do that work in the first place!!

[DeBenny]

I second taskgirl. Either way Laura you are a bright chica and all of this will work out like you previously stated. I know exactly what you mean about having a homebody husband (mine is the same way). Things will come together! :)

[Laura]

Tonight I submitted my UW-Madison application!!! It's so satisfying to have that thing done! I'm working on the Marquette one this weekend and hopefully will be done with that in a few days as well.

The LSAT is two weeks from tomorrow morning. I cannot wait to have this done. I want to go back to my normal routine and not have to think about practicing logical reasoning questions ever again .... thanks again for all your support.

[MendozaQH]

Good Luck Laura!! I guess i know what you will be doing over Thanksgiving break!!

[nineten]

I think it's a blessing you and your husband can work these type of issues out this early on and compromise if necessary. At least you're not jeapordizing your marriage like my friend did when she pursued her optometry degree resulting in divorce.

[mandy]

Sensenbrenner Hall, Room 116 ehe ehe

I wish you the best on which ever you decide!!!