Immigration process starting to affect our marriage..

[Sandra]

My husband had his interview on October 11, filed waiver on October 26 and the waiver was sent to DHS on November 15. We are starting to feel the frustration that this process has created, but mostly its taking a toll on me.

When I speak to my husband on the phone or through AIM all I want to do is fight everything just sets me off. It has been so bad that I mentioned that seperation would be an alternative and I have even mentioned divorce. I know its me trying to deal with this immigration process. I just want to forget all about it.

I feel so bad because I know that it must be more difficult for him than for me because I am living in our home with our daughter and I have a good paying job. I feel depressed, tired, moody, unhappy, frustrated, lonely, unfullfilled, and so on. I feel like crying but I am too weak to cry.
I am trying to stay positive but these past few days has not been easy.

Is anyone going through a similar situation???

[Chula]

Well for my marriage it has/is going through those up and downs it's hard and yes taking a toll on the marriage. They should be working on Nov real soon if not already Sandra hang in there ok girlee!!! :o

[Sandra]

thanks chula. I just hope to hear something soon. I want my husband back home:(

[ratito921]

We went through our ups and downs too. To the point where hubby said if he's denied I need to borrow money from his friend, hire a lawyer and file for divorce because he had already put me through enough crap. We stuck it out and I gave him space so to speak and we have worked it out. It's just a shame it has to go that far.

Sandra and Chula, just know that you're not alone in this. There are so many people who are in the same boat with the same feelings.

[Dorothea]

I know it almost sounds stupid to say, but this too shall pass... you'll make it through this and some day it will all be like a fuzzy nightmare.

For me the worst was during my time in Mexico. I felt so completely isolated sometimes and my husband just couldn't understand. I think we were so close to divorce a few times, but every day I'm thankful that we didn't go that far.

I love my husband and I trust him unconditionally, but sometimes it's SO easy to forget that in moments of weakness. It easier to fight, or accuse him of wanting to cheat, or anything... There are still hard hard days all the time..

Sandra, what you're going through is NOT easy, by any means. You should be emotional! If anything, the people who tell you that you'll be ok, that you need to relax, THOSE are the stupid people.
Your hubby probably knows, deep down inside, that this is your way of coping, and he will forgive you until the day you are finally in his arms.
I hope you feel better soon!

[egonzalez1975]

For me I have threatened to divorce Daniel probably 500 times in the past year!!!!! :wha: It has been so difficult but in the end I love my husband and I know it will work itself out. He is the closest person and so it is a comfort for me to take my frustrations out on him and him with me as well. We aren't perfect and we don't have any way of knowing what emotions we are going to feel. These emotions are new. They are a direct effect of this immigration process. We have to all keep that in mind. Sometimes I have to sit back and really ask myself why I am mad at him. And, honestly Chula has given him a call when it was like 2 seconds from a divorce. It's hard and it will stay this hard until they are home with us again. And, then a new set of issues will arise. We have been living as single parents most of us and then we are going to have to adapt to our husbands being there all the time again.

Take it one day at a time and each time you feel really angry think about whether or not it is truly him that you are mad/frustrated with. Maybe he is just the easiest target to release tension. And, NEVER allow your pride to stop you from apologizing. (trust me this is the hardest part for me--I would almost rather die. Isn't that right Chula & gdalicia??? :blush:)

We can't allow this process to win. It will end!!! But, don't let it take the reigns of your marriage and life during this time. Also know that you aren't alone in how you feel. There are many of us who feel the same I am sure. I know that I am one!!!!

[salcidofamily]

My husband had his interview on October 11, filed waiver on October 26 and the waiver was sent to DHS on November 15. We are starting to feel the frustration that this process has created, but mostly its taking a toll on me.

When I speak to my husband on the phone or through AIM all I want to do is fight everything just sets me off. It has been so bad that I mentioned that seperation would be an alternative and I have even mentioned divorce. I know its me trying to deal with this immigration process. I just want to forget all about it.

I feel so bad because I know that it must be more difficult for him than for me because I am living in our home with our daughter and I have a good paying job. I feel depressed, tired, moody, unhappy, frustrated, lonely, unfullfilled, and so on. I feel like crying but I am too weak to cry.
I am trying to stay positive but these past few days has not been easy.

Is anyone going through a similar situation???

god?.. i tought i was the only one thinking about getting divorce, girl him going trough the same sh??? i even had to go to the doctor for depresion before something else hapens. my huspand haves been gone since nov 26 2006
I visit him every month in tijuana, we live about 8 hrs apart. seing him helps some.
But gets hard for me because i have 3 kids under five.

waiver receive
12-11-07:cool::cool::thumbup:
pray to god

[bdesj]

You certainly aren`t alone in having relationship issues while the immigration process drags out and puts your through the wringer. I think the people who get through it unscathed are a definite exception to the rule. My wife and I were separated for a little over a year while we waited for her I-601 (luckily I was able to visit several times). We never came close to divorcing, but there were definitely a lot of international shouting matches while we were waiting even though we never got that hot before she had to leave. In our case, things are pretty much back to normal since she`s been back (in March), things have been pretty much like they were before. Maybe we`re lucky there, as it looks like some couples continue to have trouble and find it difficult to readjust. No matter how you slice it, immigration is a stressfull situation- confusing paperwork, lack of consistant "rules", one half of the couple has often just moved to a new country.... add to that the separation that is often involved and it`s no wonder the whole mess is so tough on relationships.

[mamacita]

Hi Ladies,
Don't worry, this all shall pass! My husband has been gone to MX/Monterrery since Sept 24th 2006, and yes we have had our up's and down fights on the phone alot. I am on antidepressants because I just cannot handle this without something to help me not be extremely depressed. My husband has threatened several times to come back EWI again :shy:but I told him not to as we are almost there. I think the fighting is common as it's a way to vent stress on both sides. Believe me we have had our shares of big fights on the phone to the point I hang up!

This shall all pass one day when you get that approval letter. Last night my husband told me this has made us stronger as a couple to go through all of this! He said if we can survive this then we can get through anything the separation of almost 10 months if horrible and almost unbearable.

I know in the long run he will be back home one day soon! Just think if our husband were in Iraq,,,,,,,they may never be home but in a box!

That is an awful comparison but could be the truth!
I am in total agreement though that the separation and being married is extremely hard to endure and I know when I married my husband I took the vows in richer, poorer, the good with the bad etc! So for now I must see this though to completion and not give up!

Believe me when I tell you all the thought has crossed my mind too!:cool:

Mamacita:D

[bamajoey]

It sounds like you are going through some depression. I would seek some professional counseling. Maybe your work health coveraga would cover it. If you are already getting professional help then get a letter and send it to immigration for and expidited waiver for medical purpose. It can't hurt giving them ( immigration ) more evidence of hardship.

Try to have a good day and I (we) understand what you are going through. I you have to go see your husband physically and plan a trip. That has always helped me.

Take care, BamaJoey

[inlimbo]

I know in the long run he will be back home one day soon! Just think if our husband were in Iraq,,,,,,,they may never be home but in a box!

Mamacita:D

Actually when we first started going through this immigration separation, my fiance and I told each other that a lot : 'At least you're not in Iraq.' My stepfather's son was in Iraq while his new wife was living alone in the US. I would never in a million years have wanted to trade our situation for hers.

It does sound kind of awful, but in some ways, it's just a reminder that things could always be worse, no matter how bad they seem.

I'm living in Mexico with my fiance right now, and sometimes I think it would almost be easier to be living separately right now. Somehow, it's easier to get into fights when you're seeing each other all the time!! :wink:

[Sandra]

thanks everyone for sharing your stories, I felt like I was going crazy!! and yeah a sept approval is encouraging and also hearing laurel scott state that they are working on overtime to process the waivers. i was trying to find the thread for the sept approval but i cant find it can someone tell me where its located.

[nsoto]

It is natural to feel this way. I have had numerous fights over this process, mostly of course because of seperation. This past May-June before we received our approval was the worst..I almost didn't even want to call my husband cause he would ask me what month are they working on and when I told him that most of August and a couple of September were approved he was certain that we would be denied. That stressed me out more than words. I have been working 6 days a week for almost a year now, and I can't do it anymore, so I was taking it out on him, which wasn't fair. Then he was getting fustrated, cause for the past year he has been farming for FREE with his father...He just wants to come home so bad...make money, be with his son (who since my husband left has been very ill).

Hang in there! You ALL will get through this..:)

[nsoto]

here is the thread for one september approval..but I know there are more..

http://immigrate2us.net/forum/showthread.php?t=412

Here is the approval list..If you notice some of the waivers Submitted in August were sent to DHS in September....


http://immigrate2us.net/forum/showthread.php?t=25