Too Sensitive???

[djones9714]

Here is my question. My son-in-law just filed his I-130 and I-129f. During the last several years, immigration has become our life. I am the mother-in-law. He talks to me all the time about immigration and has been for like 4 years now because him and I are probably the only ones that know how the process even works. My daughter who is 24 is only now beginning to understand a little bit of the process. Prior to that, she was in college and knew the basics but not the entire process. So he always talked to me about it. He never discusses it with his family because they don't understand the whole process.

I noticed during the last week that he doesn't call me anymore. I thought at first that he might be upset about something. His company was just purchased by another company out of Dallas and I know he was worried about this because he was afraid that the new company would find out he was here illegally. So far everything has worked out okay there.

Well, I said something to my daughter over the weekend that he never calls me anymore and I asked her what was up. He always called me every single day. She told me that he had told her that he wished I didn't call and talk to him about immigration so much. He said that he just wants to go to work everyday and do his work without thinking about it. I told my daughter that I was sorry and she was shocked also because whenever he would talk about immigration it would get on her nerves because he was always talking about it.

I apologized and told her that I didn't know he felt this way. He should have told me. I don't know how to respond. I thought I was only doing the right thing because I am writing their HSL. I always called because I thought I was being there for him because I was the only one who understood and that he wanted to talk about it.

I am at a loss for words now. My daughter seems to think that he is getting worried since he filed the I-130 and now it is hitting him hard of what the consequences will be.

Since you friends are the only ones I can talk to, I guess you are stuck with me and I will have to keep my mouth shut. What do you guys think?

[DeBenny]

[QUOTE=djones9714;33138]I am at a loss for words now. My daughter seems to think that he is getting worried since he filed the I-130 and now it is hitting him hard of what the consequences will be.
QUOTE]

What consequences is he afraid of? Also, have you steered both your daughter and your son-in-law to become members of this site. Also, the problem could be the fact that the anti-immigration setiment is getting out of hand and he may feel emberrassed/guilty by feeling that he is brigging his family down or making the family worried/stress about the process. Just continue to make him feel welcome and "normal". Perhaps, he may feel like there is so much attention towards his status that he may not feel "normal" in the family. I believe that when he is ready to begin more talks about the issue he will come to you again. :wink:

[djones9714]

Thanks. I think he is afraid of going back home waiting for the waiver and knowing that if he isn't approved, they will not let him back. Yes, he goes to the Univision website all the time. Even though there are tons of approvals, that 1 denial makes everyone worried.

I do understand what he is saying because I worry and I am the typical mother -- worry all the time about her children. I guess I have to lay off some and just keep my worrying to myself. There are times when I lay in bed at night and cry to myself because I feel that I have no one else to hear me. I guess right now I am drowning in self-pity because I worry so much about him and what would happen if he wasn't approved. Would I lose my daughter for 10 years. I know, I know, I shouldn't think like this and I have always been a positive person but I guess writing this HSL is getting to me.

[DeBenny]

Thanks. I think he is afraid of going back home waiting for the waiver and knowing that if he isn't approved, they will not let him back. Yes, he goes to the Univision website all the time. Even though there are tons of approvals, that 1 denial makes everyone worried.

I do understand what he is saying because I worry and I am the typical mother -- worry all the time about her children. I guess I have to lay off some and just keep my worrying to myself. There are times when I lay in bed at night and cry to myself because I feel that I have no one else to hear me. I guess right now I am drowning in self-pity because I worry so much about him and what would happen if he wasn't approved. Would I lose my daughter for 10 years. I know, I know, I shouldn't think like this and I have always been a positive person but I guess writing this HSL is getting to me.

:cry: I know what you mean. I have not started the process yet for my husband. All of this worries me sick :ill: . Its like if ICE was the CIA or the NSA, and you are trying to figure out what they know about the EWI. After finding this site just recently it just has brought some calm to my life, but I still worry. I dont blame you. Like the saying goes, "It's not over until the fat lady sings". I hope for all that the fat lady sings to the toon of "Welcome to America" and with a visa at hand. :wink:

[aprilstorm]

BIG HUGS GIRL!!!!!! I sent you a pm. I think he is just getting worried. It hits them harder than we know. He is scared..just continue to be there for him and your daughter.

[kitkat1]

djones, you're just a loving, caring mom. And as you know from reading here, this process puts us all through the wringer. One day up, one day down. Two days up, three days down. There is no rhyme or reason to our madness or feelings (aside from seeing denials which scares us to death). The only reason "he wishes you wouldn't call and talk about immigration" is because he is scared. It's NOT personal and has NOTHING to do with you. Do your best to NOT take his comments personally. He's grateful for all of your help and support - he's just too caught up in the "what-ifs" right now to be able to express it or talk about it. It will pass . . .just know that it's not at all about you.

[djones9714]

Thank you Kitkat. That is wonderful advice and I am feeling it. I know he is scared and he has always said that he talks to me about it because no one else understands the whole process. You are right -- he is a very private person. I know this because he will not show his true emotions for the love he feels for me but he calls and talks to me more than his own family -- he just doesn't want to admit it. I will definitely take everyone's advice and let him bring up the subject from now on. Thanks. Am feeling better already.

[princesa]

Girl I will be thinking about you and saying prayers for you

[lexidoodle]

DJ, are we one in the same? My SIL would never want to talk about "it" because he didn't want to go back either, my daughter wasn't too interested either. (because she was also scared I think) Everytime I would try to show her this website and the HSL (for her knowledge) she would look for a few seconds and walk away. I also did the research, wrote the HSL and now the worry if it is not approved, "it is all my fault". (I know it is not my fault) We were already sent to the backlog.

Anyway, don't take it too personally, my SIL is in Mexico, he called me the other day and he is in good spirits, my daughter is doing ok.

Hang in there.

[jsierra1982]

The only reason "he wishes you wouldn't call and talk about immigration" is because he is scared. It's NOT personal and has NOTHING to do with you. Do your best to NOT take his comments personally.


i agree--he may have just reached the point where he has gotten completely overwhelmed and needs a break. this process takes a huge toll on all of us, even those of us who are just starting out, since we know what's ahead.

also, i agree that you should steer both your daughter and son-in-law to become members of the site. don't worry that your daughter is only 24. i am 24 (but 25 is just around the corner:thumbup:) and a lot of people on the site are around my age--check out the birthday thread, a huge chunk of us were born between '79 and '83-'84-ish--and some of these people are already done with the process, meaning that they did it when they were 21 or 22. i'm proud of my fellow 20-somethings for stepping up and being pseudo-lawyers!!! collectively, we've accomplished so much and amassed so much knowledge immigration-wise.

[djones9714]

Lexidoodle: Thanks for your post. Yes, we are definitely one in the same because that is exactly how I feel. If his HSL is not approved, then I will feel that it is all my fault. However, he called this morning and guess what -- he wants to talk about immigration. We talked a little bit but not in great detail like we usually do.

I think after reading everything and analyzing the situation that we need to talk about other things in common also.

[DeBenny]

See... He is just feeling the pressures that we all feel through this process... Keep being the awesome mother-in-law that you are!!! :grpwave:

[djones9714]

Oh you are so sweet. Yes, it was nice for him to call because we always talk at least 1-2 times a day and I missed that.

[meesh]

I'm sure he is very, very grateful for your support. He is very fortunate to have such a loving mother-in-law who is willing to sacrifice her time to help with such a frustrating process.

You are a blessing in their lives, and you are appreciated. Right now, he is afraid of the unknown-the future of his family. He will probably talk to you about his worries, but he needs to distract himself for now by distancing himself from the situation. Thankfully, when he is comfortable talking about it, you will be there for him:)

[djones9714]

Thanks everybody for such kind words. I too am lucky and even though I was upset last night, things are back on course. I do believe he is scared and just doesn't want to own up to it. However, of course, I will always be here for him.