really hard time with seperation HELP!

[mamitoceci]

Hi,

My husband is in Chiapas now. I am in Wisconsin now with my 2 year old. I am having a really hard time. My family is so imprtant to me, and it is rearing me apart that we are seperated. I also have not seen my 3 year old stwp son in 3 weeks. I raised him since he was 4 months, but now he is with his mom and his mom wont let us visit. Before my husband left she said that we could visit for a few hours on sunday, but she has changed her mind. My daughter keeps asking for her brother and papi. I feel so hopeless.

We have been able to talk to my hubby every other day for a few minutes. I feel bad. I am pregnant and go to the ob next week and it will be the 1st time my hubby missed an appointment.

My daughter is really the only thing giving me strength. I don't feel like talking to anyone or going out. My daughter and I stayed in the house all weekend, and finally yesterday afternoon I caven and took her to mcdonalds and the park, because she was getting cabin fever.

I know not much time has passed we have not even had the waiver yet. I don't know what I will do if he is backlogged. Sorry for rambling.

Does anyone have any suggestions on how to deal with the separation?

[silymaury]

I am sorry you are going through this there are many of us who know what you are going through. Unfortunately, there isn't one thing that will make this easier but time patience and faith. Take it day by day and think positive. HE WILL BE HOME!

[Jessica]

i feel for you, i too miss my fiancee very much, but just remember your not alone, there are a few of us on the site in the same position u r in, hang in there, it will get better, of course there will be some days when you will not want to get out of bed, but just remember your baby needs you, please feel free to write to me anytime.

[stephluvju]

I'm so sorry you are having a hard time! I've spent the last three years apart from my husband so I know the feeling. I don't know what will make you feel better BUT this is what I did for him since he was the one having the hardest time with the separation. I made a bunch of envelopes and on the front I would write something like 'If you need a kiss-open this' and inside I put Hershey kisses or 'If you want to celebrate - open this' and inside was confetti and a little kazoo. Also, inside I would put a little note. This helped him a lot because he could always go open an envelope and have something from me. I made a lot of them and after he opened them all I would send him more.
Best wishes! You will see him sooner than you think. Stay strong for your daughter!!

[erica1206]

I know how it feels to be apart from the person you love...My husband was backlogged in March of this year, and all I can say is be very patient and leave everything in God's hands in the end everything will turn out and won't have any worries about your future that lies ahead, you will be able to travel always & won't have to worry if the law caught him (that was always my worry with my husband)
Keep yourself busy, I know it's hard but we can handle this and more....be strong!!
Hang in there...Lots of good people on this site that can help you cope with any problem that may come your way!!

[needinfo]

I'm not a psychologist, but I'd encourage you to go speak with someone. You are dealing with a lot right now and may need to go talk to a professional. The pregnancy alone is a lot to deal with on your own, but there are so many other issues in play here.

[perez782]

:sorry: Stay strong! I know it's hard, do it for your baby and your boundle of joy that your carrying.

[lisa7078]

I cannot imagine being away from my husband - I am also afraid to not beable to see my husband if he is backlogged. I know you have to be strong and patient because that is really the only choice at this time. Try to remember why you are doing this and everything will work out.

[RMJM30]

What has helped me cope during my husband's backlogg has been talking to him everyday. We talk for about 2 - 3 hours a day like if I was sitting right in front of him. This is our special me and him time and we let each other know what went on throughout the day. And I am trying to go every other month to visit hubby. He was backlogged in February of this year I went down in March; then in May; then I will be going in July for 10 days. I am praying that perhaps July will be the last month I will go visit and we will be one step closer to approval. But other than that I keep myself busy with my 3 kids they're a hand full so I don't have time to fully let my husband's back log sink in. Whatever you do hang in there and know that this is just temporary and the small seperation we encounter with our loved ones is just temporary. I pray for the best for you and your family.

[dnatej]

I totally know what you feel! I never imagined being away from my hubby, thought it would be impossible, and at times it feels like it still is impossible...he has been gone since November, and I spent w/him some time in Nov, then again in Dec, and I had to hold up 3 mths until I went in March, left our son w/him, and went to see them in April, and now it will be about 3mnths, when I go see them again in July. It is the hardest thing I have had to endure my entire life! Emotionally, financially, and physically. It does not seem like it will ever get easier, but as others might tell you, you get numb after a while, b/c there is nothing we can really do. Just talk as much as you can, and visit if you can, as much as you can. I am going to say one thing the FIRST month was the hardest for me. Not that it is easy, by no means is it easy for me, but that first month I just felt I was melting, into a piece of nothing! I stayed as strong as I could for our son, and I did seek professional help a few times, and it helped me out a little. So maybe you could go speak to someone about this. Staying busy is the key to making it thru...do as much as you can to keep both of you busy, dont do what I did those first months, and put your child thru the depression you could be falling into, b/c they read and see all signs we give them, my son started to get real fussy, and just aggrivated, and then I saw that he was getting a big chunk of what I was putting out there, so go out and take your daughter places, DO NOT keep her locked up inside, b/c it is not good for her! I have since had to get another job, and am working 40hrs @ one job, and 32 @ the other, and hopefully I can make it w/just one job here come july, b/c I will be bringing Nate back up w/me....just keep the prayers going, and we can all get thru this!...Oh, and another thing that keeps me going, is this baby that I am carrying, It is a blessing....and w/this baby, and Nate, I feel like a part of hubby are w/me at all times, and I know that one day, we will be a normaly happy family living in the same house like we used to!

[AnaRod]

May God Bless you and give you the strength you need during this difficult times!!!

[Brisa6]

Hang in there, you still have the waiver to look forward to and perhaps it will be an approval. Keep your hopes up and be strong for your babies.

[vivalrock]

Mami,
Hang in there. I know exactly how you feel. I can't believe it has been 6 months since my husband got backlog. But believe me I use to think how can people do it, when I saw postings about families who had been seperated for months. But you get through it, there are good days and not so good ones. Just try to keep positive, remember you have to give your husband positive energy so that at waiver appointment he gets approved. I truly believe if you have a positive outlook you will get the results you want. :smirk:

[Brisa6]

I just wanted to add that if this situation is making you very sick you should contact your Congressman/woman. When my Dad got so sick because of the situation with my Mom having to wait in Mexico I wrote to my Congressman and they forwarded that letter to another office. I then received a call from a woman who helped us bring my Mom home on a humanitarian parole. Our government officials need to know that their legislation is putting U.S. citizens through hell.

[AYJ3Blessings]

It is hard and like a lot of you have already said it's about paitence and faith and keeping your self busy is a bonuce. Do talk to someone and sometimes a good cry does you good don't keep it all inside, but remember a good laugh is better. God Bless you and your family and we'll keep you in our prayers. I am also here to talk if you need to.

[mrs.ramon]

I am actually going to gastroentologist (SP?) today because I am having some problems with ulcer like symptoms. I know that this is all due to the fact that I have been super stressing lately due to this immigration stuff. I think it is absolutely amazing how MANY women/men are facing the same stuff that I am and yet no one is doing much about it. This process is ridiculous and someone should be doing something...ok off my soapbox for now. I'm just missing my husband who left 18 months ago and I haven't seen in a year:crying:

[agarcia]

I agree with what some of the other people said - stay busy and remember that you're a mom and you have to take care of your daughter!! She should be the most important thing in your life!! Don't just stay at home because the time will drag on . . . try to go see friends or family and let them help you. It's easy to feel like no one cares in situations like this . . . but all of us care about you and your daughter, and your case. Don't be afraid to let people help you and don't be afraid to cry or complain.

When did your husband have his appointment??? And when is his waiver appointment??????

[meli6382]

You know, I'm new to this forum and I know what you are going thru. My husband was backlogged Feb 25/08 and I have been waiting too. The first month was the hardest, but I agree that you need to keep yourself busy. Try and find something that can help you and your child. The more you sit and think about the situation the more paranoid and stressed you get. I talk to my husband everyday and this is what has helped be get by. Just think that sooner or later all of this will be over and the blessings that will come with this eternal wait will be great. Keep strong, we are all in this together.

[Verovic]

I know its hard, when my husband & 1 yr old son first left in october, I thought it was the end of the world. Its easy for people to say it will be okay & to hang on, but its very hard. It took me a while (6months)to cope with the situation. I was very deppresed because i was all alone. So i decided to go to mexico & get my son. Financially i was not ready to pay for house, cars, bills & so on, but i figured that there are many people that make it thru, why couldn't i be one of them & you know things have a funny way of working out. Every time i feel like i'm coming to a dead end, i feel like a door opens up.
It has been 8 months since my husband has been away , my son was away for 6 months, but he's with me now, and keeps me going. Like other people said this is just temporary & sooner than you think you guys will be together. If you can try to fly out & see him every chance you get. I do, I figured i'm not going to get any richer or poorer if i spend a few hundred dollars, its worth it for me, spending a few days with my family.
I hope that you will be okay with this situation, there are wonderful people on this site that provide a lot of comfort b/c we can all relate.:wave::wave::wave:

[dduran]

Hang in there, time will go fast & it's worth it...Good Luck..

[chulatica]

Its only human and normal you feel like that.
Thats love!
I think the first days, weeks will be like that.
I remember it was so hard to not think of him and not cry or get sad.
Everyone is different so I think after the first months passed I got used to being without him after that. My mom says its because since we've been married we have never done anything seperatly or been away from each other period.

[Chapital]

I know it is hard...it will seem to get easier with time, but I really think oyu just get used to it. I agree that keeping busy makes a huge difference. Also, try to think of all the things that you can do now that you might not do when hubby is back...and do them. Try to find the positive...I have been able to spend lots of time with girlfriends, watch chick flicks that I wouldn't have wanted to subject my husband to, spend whole days scrapbooking, helped people at church that I wouldn't have been able to do with a husband and 3 kids around...It still is lonely and sad, but It helps to do things that make me feel like I am not just wasting time...good luck!

[MARIPLAY]

I feel the same way, and yes it's true after the first 3-6 weeks have past you feel like your getting back to normal ( well at least getting used to the idea that he has to be over there ) and it's going to be really difficult.

I just finish coming back from being over there (hadnt seen him in a little over 7 months) and now I am going through this whole seperation depression all over again..

stress is so bad that I am now sick.

good luck and keep yourself busy .,.ok

[ctorres]

Hang in girl be strong for your child, my husband was backlogged back in Nov, 07 I trully understand your situation the first 4 to 6 weeks it's the hardest, I'm getting ready to go visit him again in a few weeks I can't wait untill I see him :dance: my 5 year old daughter is going to stay with him and it's already breaking my heart :cry:I understand that she wants to spend time with daddy.

[Family]

The same thing recently happened to me. I know exactly how you are feeling. Just remember how strong of a person you are everyday, make sure you talk to your hubby when possible, but most of all make sure you vent when you need too. I always found it best to call my husband and tell him the good and the bad. He always found a way to cheer me up, usually with a funny story about us. He also does the same. When he is upset, he is able to call and it is my job to cheer him up. I hope this helps!

[jpatrick022]

I am sorry for all that your going through, just stay strong and hang in there and he will be back with you and your kids. My heart and prays go out to you and your family.

[Chapis]

Thanks a lot guys for all the support. I really had a very bad yesterday and today I didn't wanted to come to work I was just in my room, my mind was just stock in the denial april 2007. I can't believe I never received the letter and I always call and also on Monday I called too and they said the same. I can't believe... Thanks guys for the support I know I am not alone on this. There is alot more people and probably with the same problem or worst. There is a say in spanish that says "todo se puede resolver menos la muerte". (Everything can be solve expect when you die) I think thats how you say it in english. Today I still feel very down. I feel very depress and I just wanted to be away from the computer a little just to think and accept what is happening to our life, and I know i have to be strong and try by best to get him back. I know that there is something I can do, but I don't know what. I just contact a lawyer, but I just left a messege I hope he calls me back soon. Guys THANKS, THANKS ALOT FOR ALL THE SUPPORT. I'll continue writing to you all, but if I can help someone like you guys help me I will. So, I need to be strong and keep looking for info. Until i can write you guys and tell you that my husband is back home.

[Chimi]

I don't know how anyone can get used to it or get back to normal..My husband has been gone for 9 months and I'm still sooooooooooooooo disorganized and crazy like. I agree with everyone here just try to keep busy and stay as strong as you can for your kids. I know what your are going through with the step kids. My husband has twin daughters that will be 5 next month. I've been with my husband since they were one. When he was here, the girls stayed with us at least half the week. Fortunately in my situation their mom is happy to pawn them off so I still get them on the weekends and take them to church. I call my husband all day long. He's more depressed than me. I never thought about the envelope thingy...I'll have to try that. I call him before I make any decision. He can't find a church to go to because he doesnt' know anyone. We read our Bible and pray together on the phone every night. He even sings to me on the phone. That seems too help. We are keeping our relationship as close as possible and trying to stay close to God.

Hang in there and keep coming to the site. I have learned though that I can only read the positive stuff. The sadness or bad things happening to others gets me really down so I just don't read it.

GET YOUR HSL TOGETHER NOW!!!!!!!!!!

Good luck and God Bless