Advice please

[Gabi]

Hi Everyone,
For a supporting document my lawyer wants me to get 2-3 professors who are willing to write a letter describing my interest and dedication to my field of study. One of my professors has written one and she wrote it without asking what the purpose of the letter was. I didn't tell her, and well... she wrote a letter as if I was being considered for a scholarship. I have no idea how she got the idea that it was for this... she mentions the specific scholarship and everything. I just wrote her an e-mail stating if she could re-write along with the purpose of the letter. I just can't get myself to send it because to me this whole process is embarassing. She will be my professor again next semester and honestly I'd rather she not know about this. How can I tell her about the purpose so she can correctly write the letter without going into too much detail?

[lisa7078]

Gabi, I know exactly how you feel. Just last week I wasn't sure on how I was going to tell both of my bosses about our situation. So I did and they were wonderful and very supportive. Don't be embarrassed. Tell her, you would be surprised she probably will be very understanding. Good luck!!

[brezarenee]

Gosh, that's a rough one. Asking a professor to write you a letter is already a big favor, but then asking her to rewrite the letter seems like you're playing with fire. I guess before I could give you my two cents, there are a few questions I'd want to know.

First off, how big of a school are you at? Is this professor a full professor or a junior prof? How close are you to this professor? Is she someone that knows you well? Would you feel comfortable confiding in her?

[Gabi]

It is a my professor at the community college. She has her doctorate in Exercise and Wellness. I got to know her better than all of my professors because she was kind enough to offer tutoring after class. She taught my anatomy and physiology so I went in there for three hours of tutoring, studying, and asking questions after every class (2 times a week). I can confide in her... its just very hard to talk about this and embarrassing. I hate telling people about our situation and I act like its not happening. I managed to get the highest grade in her class last semester even with all this immigration stress. She wouldn't have suspected anything was going on, but SURPRISE! Ugh! And she's going to be my teacher again for the second part of that class!! I love her as a teacher, this is very hard.

[brezarenee]

Alright, that info helped. The fact that it's a small school means that she is in the profession for the students, not the research and other things that many professors at research universities are bogged down by. That said, it sounds like you have a close relationship to her, and I'm sure she is also interested in you and would be supportive of what's going on in your life. I really think you should go ahead and just explain things to her. Be very apologetic about the time issue, because time is precious and you want her to know that you value her time and that you never intended to waste it. Explain to her how difficult things have been in your personal life, but that you have been so dedicated to school that despite your problems you have persevered at the top of your class. Don't feel embarassed, I'm sure she'll be sympathetic of what you are going through no matter what her political leanings may be. Just emphasize the importance of keeping your family together so that you can continue your studies and achieve your career goals. Good luck!! I'm sure it'll work out fine!

I have to admit I'm a bit shock at the request for letters from 3 professors - geez, that's a lot!

[nineten]

@Gabi This is something of value that you need. Based on how your first conversation went with the request you made, can you make an assumption as to how she'll respond this time? She most likely didn't question the purpose of the first letter because she's assumed it was for academic purposes. At least she didn't hesitate on that one but that's an academic courtesy. Many times we might feel embarrassed to disclose our situation when we especially don't know their reaction to an issue regarding immigration. If you explain to her that you felt uncomfortable before and still feel embarrassed about asking her again...she'll know you're being honest and would most likely have compassion. Depending on how you're approaching her in the email, do you think it might be better to ask her face-to-face although I bet through email is easier. But in person you'd have a chance to immediately respond to her response.

You'll only have the instructor for one more semester. In six months you won't even think about this, it will be behind you. She'll have her mind on other things and I can bet your story isn't going to be the most shocking one she's ever heard either and I seriously doubt she's going to laugh about it.

One thing that I might be concerned about is privacy regarding personal information. Usually when something is said second hand it always gets distorted and is never said as the original speaker spoke. Everybody has their own translation and intonation when they speak or repeat something. It's not a perfect world. If you trust her, then I'd definitely confide in her and remind her that's it a very sensitive matter to you and that you feel confident that she won't discuss it publicly. If she did, it would most likley be among faculty and not students. That's just a reality that can occur but I bet you that it won't happen. Let her know that you feel embarrassed and you need her trust because it's uncomfortable for you. Honest is the best policy and I bet she'll be very understanding.

[Gabi]

Thanks everyone! I am in tears, but I have pressed sent. I hope you are all right and that she will be understanding. She is Mexican, but I am unaware as to what her thoughts are regarding immigration. I'll let you all know her response.

[ujcdv]

My two cents

Ask and ye shall recieve. Most people have never met a genuine 100% immigration person before (someone who is actaully affected by it), all they know is what they hear on the Cable news. When I told my boss, he was very understanding and low and behold, his boss went through the same thing I am going through.

So glad you asked, nothing ventured, nothing gained. :)

[Cherokee]

Hi Gabi,
My lawyer interviewed my advisor, the head of my department, AND this guy who does grants and fellowships. All of my professors were more than willing to help. They told me later that they had experience with writing different kinds of letters for international professors. I think they have to explain to the gov why this one particular professor is so special and warrants a work visa, etc. So they were excellent.
They also thought of a ton more reasons than I had about why I couldn't leave my program, or study in Mexico etc.
I think if you get them on your team they will really help you out. With the professor who already wrote the letter though, could you ask for a quick appointment to talk to her? I think it would go over better in person. She could see that you are really worried about this, and her help would make a world of difference.

[Gabi]

Ugh... I'm trying to be patient to get a reply from her, but this is so unlike her to take this long to reply to an e-mail. I leave in about 15 minutes and I won't be able to check my email for about the next 6 hours or so and I want to know if she will do it for me again! I took all the advice you all gave me. Lets hope she answers soon!

[nineten]

Relax. If it's not there when you return you can always speak with her in person. She'll be there, she's not going away. You're going to get an answer. Maybe she's having to ponder over it since it's a different situation for her, maybe. Cherokee was right in asking for a quick appt. In order to secure yourself before she makes a decision, maybe you can send a email real quick and ask her if she could wait and speak with you in person.