Finances: How do you control it?

[MendozaQH]

We were having a discussion here today at work about how money is managed with regards to bank accounts and spending and I was really surprised to see that my husband and I were in a minority.........

The moment my husband and I got married, one of the first things we did was put our moeny in a joint account. Nobody had a separate account, nobody had their own money, what was mine was my husband's and what was my husband's was mine. Obviously this makes paying bills and such very straight forward. I have to admit, neither my husband nor myself are frugal spenders. We buy what we need, splurge a little on ourselves, and save the rest.

However, what it seems most people involved in the dicussion do is each has their own separate account and then they have a joint account........I asked why do this and their response was so that their spouse couldn't complain about what they want to buy.....If they want to buy say a pair of shoes, they didn't have to ask first (this was women AND men saying these types of things). For something more extreme, if their spouse wanted to get a new car, then they wouldn't be affected by how much moeny was available to them.........sorry if this is confusing :shy:

Anyways, so I was curious as to if my husband and I were truly in a minority group where we share everything or if it is simply the area I work in.........(My husband and I never had issues with finances, ever. We have fights, but about other things.....)

If you do have separate accounts, how does that work? I mean, how do you decide who pays for dinner when you go out, who pays for things like immigration bills, or vacation? How is that decision made? If the incomes are uneven, how do you decide who pays for what percent of the bills?

Just curious........

[want2b2gether]

Well in our case is like yours, we closed the accounts that we had and open one join account, but I too i'm curious about how they work something like that out.
you asked a good question.

[Chapital]

Mendoza...I am with you. We have a joint account and only a joint account. To me that is the only way to do it. I am sure I am influenced by how my parents did things, but it would seem so divisive to keep separate money. Even thought for several years now I have been the only income earner, I still consult my husband about financial decisions, big purchases, etc....even with him in Mexico for the last year. I really manage all our money right now, but I feel that we are in this together. It is OUR money. That is the only way that makes sense to us. We never fight about money either.

[jeannie]

We have a joint account and I have my own separate account for things I save money for. I don't have a job so this money comes from my hubby. I like to save so when we don't have money I can still do my regular shopping that needs to be done.
I Don't like to have my hubby know how much I pay for things because he will go nuts. But every check, I get a little something set aside and that way I am able to buy things I need and want, without him complaning about how much I spent. With this money I only buy things for my self or my daughter. And on christmas I like to save and buy everyone a present. Hubby would die if he knew how much I spent.

Other then that I can not imagine saying "okay ,here's the bill for dinner,you pay half and I pay the other"

[monki12]

Hi mendoza,
we are the other kind of couple :wink: We have a joint account and then we each have a seperate account. However, we each have access to each others accounts. Let me try to explain. I have an account that i have had since college. My school loans and car payment (expenses from my single life) come from there. His account is mainly a savings, he was a good guy and came into the marriage debt free (not me :bounce:). I make sure that from my paycheck i deposit enough to cover my student loans and car and deposit the rest into our joint acct. He makes sure to deposit money to cover our "together" debt (a car payment, rent, immigration, the basics) and the rest goes into his other account which we are using to save up for a new house.
We both have access to all the accounts. I mean its not like we dont know what goes in and what comes out of them. I do tell him whenever im going to buy anything small, its not asking permission more like making sure he knows everything. The same goes for him.
big decisions, little decisions we take together. I could never keep something from him.

[mandee3911]

Well see I got a joint account for immigration purposes. basically cause they wanted proof we were together and since we didn't own anything of substanistial value that was the easiet option. My parents have a joint account after going through bankruptcy and my mom hates it, she says my dad still spends what he wants without consultanting my mom about what bills are coming out at that time or anything and she always ends up being short for things. She has told "if you want to buy these frivoulous things that we don't need, keep a part of your check our of our account and save it up" he doesn't do this, and its worse cause he doesn't say "hey, I spent ____ on this today just in case you need to know" he just ignores it. Then she has a seperate account just so she can save up for some money in case of an emergency or he spends too much and she takes out of her own personal money just to keep up. But I feel its different with my husband because he asks everytime he might even use our card just to make sure its ok, usually he just asks me to withdraw money, and he'll buy what he needs out of that. but it can be confusing, its depends on the spouse. I think the majority of "americans" feel they can get what the want and make payments, and that most are in dept because of that. just my 2 Cents.

[ce&ll]

We are the "other" kind of couple. I have my checking and savings before I was married and I couldn't add my husband before his was legal so actually never had a bank account until just last year and we opened a joint account but he has a separate business account which you could say is his savings account. Well I pay all my credit card bills and he pays his so I guess we are totally independent when it comes to our bills. I like my independence to manage my own money and buy myself what I want.

[Cata]

Ok, For us, we have a checking account where only bills are paid out of this account. Then we have checking/savings account for everyday purchases like gas, food, etc.
We set aside any extra money in savings and retirement plan.

I haven't had any problems because it keeps our finances straight and
It just makes it easier to monitor our expenses.

[Glühbirne]

Mr. G and I have two checking accounts. One for everyday spending with the debit cards (groceries, gas, etc.) and another one for bills. Since I take care of the bills, that one is in my name. The other one is joint, as is the savings account (which we really have no need for anymore :-( ) We don't really talk in terms of "mine" and "yours" when it comes to money.

Growing up, my parents always had co-mingled finances, as did Mr. G's parents. So it just seemed natural for both of us that we would do most things jointly.

There have been a few times that Mr. G has really pissed me off by making large purchases without discussing it with me first, and I've considered separating our finances, but I always change my mind. I don't like the idea of separate finances at all.

[Dorothea]

When Elias and I moved in together he moved far away from his bank. He kept his account open for a little while, but never used it.
Eventually he closed it and we used my existing checking account and savings account. We put all of our money in the checking account, and some into the savings when we had "extra". Every week I would ask him how much spending money he wanted, and that was his money to spend any way he wanted. (He can't save money for his life, so giving him a certain amount was our way of keeping him from spending every penny!)
He used my debit card for gas, we used that account for all bills, and for all shopping together.
I don't think we ever thought about doing it any other way... everything was in my name, but that never meant he didn't have access.... We never fought about who's money was who's. We would fight about how to pay the bills when money was short, but never about who made more, etc.
When we left for Mexico I opened a new checking account with my mom so that she could pay my bills for me while I was gone... I still have a hard time knowing that she has access to the account, but she'd never take money or anything....
I can't wait to have a joint account with my husband some day!

[KellyKS]

When my husband and I got married we closed our personal bank accounts and opened one account together. I balance the account, but he does know what is going on in the account, even now with him in Mexico, we talk about the bills and how much money is in the account, especially since money is tight.
He just opened a bank account in Mexico, so when he works he can put money in the account and he gave me all the bank account information, so that I will be able to look up the account online. He knows that overall I am better in balancing the accounts, so I think that is why he wanted me to be able to access his bank account in Mexico as well.

[Luckysprite]

When we first got married - I couldnt add my husband to my bank acct because of his status - and he already had an acct at a diff bank.

We did want a joint acct - so I closed mine and we opened a joint one together at his bank - and he kept his exisiting one.

For a while - he was working two jobs - one of his paychecks would go into his acct - the other into ours.

It wasnt just 'his' money to spend though. That was the acct we used to go out, groceries, gas, whatever - and our joint acct paid the bills.

Whenever our acct fell short - he would transfer money from his over.

It just got to the point where we were transferring so much that it is just easier now and we only use our joint acct. His is still open - but we don't use it.

Any purchase - big or small - we make together though and are both really good about 'sharing' ... if he gets new shoes - then its a family affair and we all get new shoes!! :D

[Cherokee]

Haha these stories of financial symmetry are making me jealous! My husband and I have a joint account that we pay the rent with, but after paying the rent, it always has like $20 dollars in it, and it stays that way the whole month! And the construction industry out here is really terrible right now, so hubby is having a hard time finding work, which makes me the primary breadwinner on my student income!
I really really hope that after his status is adjusted he can get a regular job with a regular check so I can borrow money from him for once. :)

[~MP~]

I have had my checking account for 19 years and I dont want to add anyone to it. With my first marriage I had my own checking account and then we had a joint one...Now in this marriage I still have my checking account and one day we will have a joint account. I owe tax money from my previous marriage. The IRS will take money from you when they feel like it and I dont think its fair for my husband now to have to pay for my ex husbands taxes.

[djones9714]

My husband and I have a joint account but we also have a small checking account that he uses for his spending money only. Every paycheck $250 goes into this account and that way I don't have to worry about him asking me for spending money. I pay everything else out of the main account and it really works great for us for budgeting purposes. When we first got married years ago, we tried it with 1 account and it was hard and we found ourselves always overdrawing because we never told each other when we would withdraw money or write checks. It was hard to balance. This method has worked great for us for over 30 years.

[CherylandJavier]

Well, I'm a firm believer in separate accounts, especially when each partner has their own bills to pay. I am the main breadwinner in the family, I own the bank account (meaning it's in my name) and he has access to be able to see where the money goes and how much is in the account, if he wants, and he never does. He prefers to deal in cash only. He has his wallet, and that's his account, haha. I never take money from it, and if I need him to help with an expense, I ask him, and he does it. I like it that way. I guess I'm a control freak when it comes to my paycheck, but bills are my priority (so is my credit!). Anyway, it works for us, and he likes it that way too. We've not had any problems over money (knock on wood...)

[jessfs8]

Hubby and I have a joint acct and one checking acct that is only in my name (opened it way before I met hubby) and my pay check is direct deposited into this acct and since our mortgage payment comes out of this acct I only leave that amount there and transfer everything else to our joint acct. Hubby also likes to carry cash with him, so he tells me how much he needs (and I tell him how much he can get,lol just kidding) since he works construction the trucks stop by selling food and he needs cash if he wants to buy something there so its easier for him that way. I take care of all the finances because he says I do better with money than he does but he has his debit card, funny thing is he will call me everytime he needs to use the card to make sure he wont mess something up by using it.

[tasksgirl]

We SHOULD have a joint account .. but we just haven't changed it yet .. basically it's a joint account because I'm the only one working and I just transfer money to his account and he has a few things that are automatically taken from there and I make him pay for groceries and that with his card .. even though I put the money in there .. haha .. It's just that with my bank you can transfer instantly online so it's a habit .. I don't know why but we just don't have a joint account but I do want to get a joint savings we each have one but mine is empty and his is the only one we put money in ..

oh and ditto with the control.. lol .. it works for us .. someday when he is working and we aren't in debt and all that maybe I can let him have some control over it but when it comes to money I have to know every dollar..

[JMRJ]

My husband did not have a bank account. I tried to add him to my account before but the bank won't let him because he did not have a valid social. Every penny he earned he gave it to me. He never questioned me about where the money goes. As long as he have some dollars in his pocket for his M&Ms, he's contented. We fight on some silly things but we never ever ever ever fight about money. Are we weird?

[carlosalica]

We have a joint acct, have since we got married. I don't work so he pays everything. Some times we'll sit down and figure out a "budget" We figure every month we should have about this much left over from every check and we decide what we should do with it. Right now we're saving for a trip to Mexico. My husband is really good about not spending without telling me and if we make any big purchases we're together anyway so we know if we can afford it.

[MendozaQH]

OK, so I am getting the feeling that we are not in the minority, though the separate accounts thing is not uncommon either......

Hubby and I also have 2 accounts, both are in both of our names and actually they are linked accounts. We have the checking where our debit cards are deducted from (we pay everything with the debit card!) as well as where the bills are paid from. However, we have most of our money in the savings account so that way we can earn some interest on it. We were able to find a savings with 3% interest rate, which was hard to come by. I say the accounts are linked meaning if for some reason we were to over-draw on the checking (which we haven't so far; knock on wood), the funds would automatically be withdrawn from the savings and we wouldn't get any over draft fees.

As far as paying bills, my husband really only has a slight idea of what bills we have LOL. He just prefers to let me deal with them, but he always has an idea of how much money we have in the bank!

Thanks everyone! It is nice to know that what we do is not out of the ordinary! In regards to finances anyways :bounce:

[dnatej]

Mendoza...I am with you. We have a joint account and only a joint account. To me that is the only way to do it. I am sure I am influenced by how my parents did things, but it would seem so divisive to keep separate money. Even thought for several years now I have been the only income earner, I still consult my husband about financial decisions, big purchases, etc....even with him in Mexico for the last year. I really manage all our money right now, but I feel that we are in this together. It is OUR money. That is the only way that makes sense to us. We never fight about money either.

:ditto: to everything you said! We never call it my car or his car, or my money or his money. Within that joint acct we keep the checking for EVERYTHING that needs to be bought and then we have 2 additional savings on that account for emergencies, but both of our checks (when he was here) go into those accts to the last cent, and we use our debit/check/credit card for everything.