on being a mother-grab the tissues.

[ARodrigues]

I thought this made so much sense to me as a new mother and I know some of you are mothers or pregnant. Our baby is three months old. He is the product of a sexy neighbor and too much rum.(The sexy neighbor is now my husband)

When I met my husband, I worked hard and played hard. I stayed late nights at the office, worked as a bellydancer on weekends and spent every weeknight out dancing wherever it happened to be ladies night. I'm not a baby person, never had been, and never wanted children.

So when I realized I didn't have the flu and took a pregnancy test to find it positive, I was hysterical and asked my husband, "WHAT AM I GOING TO DO!?"

He said very calmly, "have a baby." That was that, and I'm very thankful for it.

Anyhow here is the link to something I found shortly after. Sorry, but I have not mastered copy and paste on a laptop, so maybe somene else can caopy it here.

http://www.psy.pdx.edu/PsiCafe/Just4Fun/Jokes/OnBeingAMom.htm

[Chula]

Beautiful, and thanks!




We are sitting at lunch when my daughter casually mentions that she and her husband are thinking of "starting a family". "We're taking a survey," she says, half-joking. "Do you think I should have a baby?"

"It will change your life," I say, carefully keeping my tone neutral.

"I know," she says, "no more sleeping in on weekends, no more spontaneous vacations...."

But that is not what I meant at all. I look at my daughter, trying to decide what to tell her. I want her to know what she will never learn in childbirth classes. I want to tell her that the physical wounds of child bearing will heal, but that becoming a mother will leave her with an emotional wound so raw that she will forever be vulnerable.

I consider warning her that she will never again read a newspaper without asking "What if that had been MY child?" That every plane crash, every house fire will haunt her. That when she sees pictures of starving children, she will wonder if anything could be worse than watching your child die. I look at her carefully manicured nails and stylish suit and think that no matter how sophisticated she is, becoming a mother will reduce her to the primitive level of a bear protecting her cub. That an urgent call of "Mom!" will cause her to drop a souffle or her best crystal without a moment's hesitation.

I feel I should warn her that no matter how many years she has invested in her career, she will be professionally derailed by motherhood. She might arrange for childcare, but one day she will be going into an important business meeting and she will think of her baby's sweet smell. She will have to use every ounce of her discipline to keep from running home, just to make sure her baby is alright.

I want my daughter to know that everyday decisions will no longer be routine. That a five year old boy's desire to go to the men's room rather than the women's at McDonald's will become a major dilemma. That right there, in the midst of clattering trays and screaming children, issues of independence and gender identity will be weighed against the prospect that a child molester may be lurking in that restroom. However decisive she may be at the office, she will second-guess herself constantly as a mother.

Looking at my attractive daughter, I want to assure her that eventually she will shed the pounds of pregnancy, but she will never feel the same about herself. That her life, now so important, will be of less value to her once she has a child. That she would give it up in a moment to save her offspring, but will also begin to hope for more years - not to accomplish her own dreams, but to watch her child accomplish theirs.

I want her to know that a caesarean scar or shiny stretch marks will become badges of honor. My daughter's relationship with her husband will change, but not in the way she thinks. I wish she could understand how much more you can love a man who is careful to powder the baby or who never hesitates to play with his child. I think she should know that she will fall in love with him again for reasons she would now find very unromantic.

I wish my daughter could sense the bond she will feel with women throughout history who have tried to stop war, prejudice and drunk driving. I hope she will understand why I can think rationally about most issues, but become temporarily insane when I discuss the threat of nuclear war to my children's future.

I want to describe to my daughter the exhilaration of seeing your child learn to ride a bike. I want to capture for her the belly laugh of a baby who is touching the soft fur of a dog or a cat for the first time. I want her to taste the joy that is so real, it actually hurts.

My daughter's quizzical look makes me realize that tears have formed in my eyes. "You'll never regret it," I finally say. Then I reach across the table, squeeze my daughter's hand and offer a silent prayer for her, and for me, and for all of the mere mortal women who stumble their way into this most wonderful of callings.

This blessed gift from God . . .that of being a Mother.

Source: Unknown

[ARodrigues]

Chula, you have an older daughter, right? Do you ever stop being so vulnerable and emotional, and crying at everything? Even a publix commercial can break me down.

[djones9714]

ARodriques: I am a mother of 2; my son is 21 and my daughter is 24. To answer your question without being asked (sorry, I couldn't resist), you are feeling and seeing an emotional side of yourself that you may not have seen before.

[lgatica06]

That says it all. Thanks for that.

[djones9714]

Sorry, I meant to finish this -- hit the return button too fast. Short and sweet -- no, that side of you will never go away because every time you hear of something sad happening to someone (especially a child), you will cry thinking that it could have been your child.

[Chula]

I have learned to let go through counseling, although very hard to try and stop being that "mother" because she is too a mother, when the grandbaby is over she tries to tell me what to do and how to do it I get mad at times but then remember she is the "mother" and so be it. I will do what ever I can for her if ever she is in need, but she is so "proud" of herself (that's the mexican blood in her lol) she hardly depends upon me and she is only 17 years old, that I miss but there again have learned she is growing up and has her own life now. It's hard but it has to be.

[Lachulagreeneyes]

That is so beautiful. I hope I can one day have a child.

[djones9714]

Chula: How did you ever let go? I still find that hard to do. I just cannot find the strength in me to let my motherly instincts relax a little. I am afraid when I have grandchildren that I am going to be terrible.

[angela256z]

Wow....I think I have just been scared into not having kids....I freak out over my Nephew and Niece and they are not even my children. I can only imagine what a basketcase I am going to be when I do have a child. Thanks for sharing. Even for not a mother I can see how this can effect your life.

Kind of off subject but....
My husband annouced to me last night that we have to have a boy. I asked him what? He said that we need to have a boy so I told him well I will put the order into god, but he doesn't have a satisfaction guarantee. He is such a dork. He wants me to go by the Chinese Gender Chart granted I believe in that thing, but watch it will be a girl. I will be part of the 3% it doesn't work for :)

[djones9714]

And if it's a girl, I will take her. I want a grandchild so bad and the first one has to be a girl!!!!!!!!! No choices about it.

Hey I am going to ask you a question re I-129f but on the correct post.

[ARodrigues]

angela, they say if you want a boy, have sex often. the boy making sperm swim faster, but the girl making ones live longer.

[arcoiris]

I never thought I could feel so deeply. I see a world full of children, no matter their age. They are all somebody's baby. My husband's 82 year old grandmother called me the day we got home from the hospital with my son. She said: You know, Guera, my oldest child is 61 this year. But in my mind when I look at them all, I see them as the little babies that they were in my arms. My own son is well on his way to being a 6' 3" middle linebacker, but he will never cease to be my Brown Bear.

[ce&ll]

As I read this, it all seems to come together. I don't have any babies yet and my biggest hesitation is giving up my "know" life. I hate to admit but I fit the description of the daughter pretty close. Lately, I have been feeling a change of heart (aside from all the immigration crap my family is dealing with right now) and I'm truly been considering starting a family very soon. My husband loves kids and has wanted a baby since the day we got married. I love shopping and taking little vacations spur of the moment but I think I'm ready to spread our love and have a child to complete our marital bond. I surprise myself because I'm normally wasn't a "baby" person. Maybe 2008 will be the baby year for us!

[mi_corazon]

That was beautiful! I loved it...and sit here crying as I watch my little boys sleep.

[cindy101]

My son is also sleeping. I just went in and gave him a kiss on his forehead. So much work, but what a blessing. I can't imagine my life without him. I hope I get the chance to have one more (tick tock goes the clock)

[Chula]

Chula: How did you ever let go? I still find that hard to do. I just cannot find the strength in me to let my motherly instincts relax a little. I am afraid when I have grandchildren that I am going to be terrible.

I don't know how you are taking the "let go" part, all I mean is I have to let her make her own decisions and just live life. I still fight/argue with her when it comes to the baby, LOL just ask Ellie (she has been there but then Ellie can vouch that I will say something and if Kikka fights back I back off) It's not worth it she will learn, it's hard turst me!!!!!!!!! The grandbaby is MY LIFE!!!!!!!! I love him more than my own child NOW DON"T TAKE THAT WRONG but it's a different kind of love when it's your grandchild, more patience, and over all more spoild-ness :D it's so much fun the SECOND time around trust me :thumbup:

[madrika]

Reading all this makes me cry! Not bad of course...but thinking back. I had tried so hard to have a baby and lost in the process. I can't imagine EVER letting my son go. I know he is only one...but thinking about it already sounds soooo hard!!! But I'm sure when the time comes somehow I will be able to!!!

[sam1010]

That sounds so much like me, not the daughter, but the mother. I was ready to settle down and have children at the age of eighteen. I married my husband at eighteen. I can't imagine my little hard headed daughter coming to me and telling me she is having a baby. She is only five now , but she is very spoiled and the world evolves around her. She loves clothes, shoes, make up, nail polish, hair peices, and so on. My son is very stubborn, but I love them both so much. They are my whole world. I can't imagine my life without them. And you know what, it is all true. You spend your entire life watching and waiting for them to succeed. and you want them to have it all, while you give up your own dreams. But it is all worth it.