Opinions anyone?!

[Luckysprite]

I am in the process of writing my HSL and just have some questions as far as what you guys think my #1 hardship should be ...

#1 - I currently have a medical condition with my back that I sporadically see the Dr for. I was diagnosed in 2003 and tried physical therapy and steroid injections and nothing helped the pain really. Seen a specialist and wsa told surgery and pain management (medications) are really my only options.

As I saw it then - I was not ready for major surgery and just kind of dealt with the pain - occasionally taking Meds. on the really bad days. I learned what aggrevates my condition and try to avoid those things.

Revisited the dr 6/8 months ago - and was told that the condition is the same, and again was told 'come and see me when you are considering surgery' but that doesnt mean that in the mean time the condition couldnt worsen, mine just hasnt in the past 5 years.

Now - husband helps me out considerably around the house and with many daily chores and in caring for our kids. He does many things that I can not and we live with no one else who could help me with these things. I can not say that I am still even really considering surgery as on option - because it is 1) scary to think about as it is a major surgery 2) expensive and 3) I have become accustomed to the pain and just sort of make due.

The reason I am not sure on putting this first is because I don't consistantly see a doctor and my medical records on this would be sporadic. Certainly they could notice this in the dates and think that it is not as serious as I make it sound. I realize I can not write about it in the way that I have here - and need it to be factual and not let them know of my reservations on things or that I have been 'just managing' with it for the past few years.

Hmmm...

Now #2 to consider:

We are just beginning speech therapy next week for our almost 3 yr old. He currenly has the language abilities of a 15 month old - and has not progressed any much at all since he was 2. He is significantly delayed enough to where we are getting help through our local school district in both comprehension and expressive language skills. 1x a week now in our home, 2x a week in summer classes and 3x a week this fall for half days also in classroom settings. He also has severe separation issues that according the the therapist, he should be getting over by now - considering his age. How on earth will he attend sessions in a classroom when we cant even leave him with my parents?? She has agreed that she will be trying to help him overcome these things too before classes start this summer, but we're not certain it will happen.

I have yet to discuss with the therapist what effects this could have one him if we were not able to continue the sessions with them - but I am certain it could affect other aspects of his life and potentially his education once he starts school, if he is still so delayed and doesnt begin getting help as soon as possible. I plan on getting much more information on the negative effects it could have.

Now - through the past 2 months of testing and other evaluations, I have taken time off work to be here with my husband and son while they were taking place. However, our son is not in daycare (can not afford it) and hubby stays with him during the day. I will not continue to be able to take time off of work and once the actual therapy sessions start - my husband will be the one home with him while it all happens or taking him to the classroom when they start there. I will greatly depend on hubby to ensure our son is getting the help he needs. If not - I could possibly lose my job, from missing work - or we have to stop therapy. Both have extreme negative effects.

However, I realize that the main hardship here is about my son - and not me - although it does directly relate to me and cause me hardship as well. I am skeptical to put it first, beings it is not MY hardship and my medical may outweigh his educational ...

Help?! Any suggestions .. I apologize if this was long - I just want to put the facts out there and get feedback as to the direction to take with each on in relation to where I should place it in my letter.

[Mami-cinco]

wow, that is a tough decision. I am thinking put your back first with letters from people that see what your husband has to do for you. Then your son with a letter from someone you are seeing for counseling (if that applies) as to the extreme hardship you would suffer. Since you and I are both working with attorneys, my letter is more emotional than the hsl's here and I stated in the beginning that it is impossible to place one item over the other as more important. Good job! :o

[MMGCA]

yeah i would put the back first, or is there a way for you to make those two your main ones........???

[Luckysprite]

MMGCA - originally - as I had it listed - I had them both under 'Medical' sort of putting them both first. Until I realized that my son's condition is definately more educational than medical. Which is what is causing the dilemma now as to the order I put things in. I want the most compelling to be first, obviously.

Evidence for my son so far would be -his evaluation results, a letter from his therapist indicating her role in his treatment and effects of not continuing treatment, his IFSP, copies of my employee handbook indicating our attendance policy and how I will be subject to disiplinary action, including possible termination if an attendance issue arises, and possibly internet research on speech delays and their effects on children!? still working on this - as it is afairly recent development.

Evidence for my back are limited to my medical records and internet research on the condition. I am unsure if I can get a letter from the last physician who seen me being it was so long ago and I only seen him one time. We do not have a 'history' so to speak. I also have 3 letters from family members(general ones speaking of all of the hardships I will suffer if not approved - that do include small bits and pieces on my back condition)

Can I just stop thinking about my HSL for one day?!? :)

Papi-cinco - your right. Maybe I need to focus more on my emotional aspects at this point - and see what the attorney will do - perhaps she will put them into better perspective. As I mentioned to you though - I am not 100% sure of her abilities at this time and just want my own plan B if need be.

Thanks for the input so far!!

[Cfloresgirl]

Lucky,I think you should put your back/medical first..and your sons second.
As I was reading your post it seemed to flow naturally, in that your hardships were compelling and then to add your sons speech difficulties and separation anxiety..in my mind would only add to your hardships with you having to seek therapy for him and should your hubby not be here like he is..I think your on the right track...:)

[Glühbirne]

Well, it sounds like the hardship that really is more of a hardship is the one regarding your son. I would put that first since it's the most pressing thing.

But I can see where the others are coming from as well.

[Cfloresgirl]

Well, it sounds like the hardship that really is more of a hardship is the one regarding your son. I would put that first since it's the most pressing thing.

But I can see where the others are coming from as well.

You know reading your post again..I agree with with Glu,in that your sons hardship would actually be more pressing.I do think the fact that you will be needing surgery eventually is also a strong point too..maybe thats where the focus of not be able to live in hubbys country could come in..

[tasksgirl]

Have you had your son tested for autism? I don't mean to scare you or anything but in my brother his speech was one of the first signs..

[Luckysprite]

Have you had your son tested for autism? I don't mean to scare you or anything but in my brother his speech was one of the first signs..

Tasks - trust me - this thought has crossed my mind. Can I ask if your brothers case is more severe or fairly mild?

Through most of my son's evaluations - some other typical signs of autism were ruled out. Meaning he has great eye contact and interaction with others. He is also very social, expect when he gets left with anyone other than my husband or me. Thats when separation anxiety kicks in - big time. Although he also has tendancies to line any sort of similar objects up and contests when you try to take them out of order, mostly he just does it with his toys though but I know this can be another sign. The first specialist we met with mentioned Autism to us - and said she would voice her findings with the speech therapist when we met with her to then decide if a referral to their Autism screening dept would be recommended. As of yet - they have not felt that he needs to be screened. I am still not ruling it out - we'll just play it by ear for a while.

He is in fact very talkative - it's just that it is all jumbled right now and unintelligible. He can not say more than two syllable words that are the same, ex mama, dada, bye bye. Two syllable words just come out sounding NOTHING like what they are ... ex - water comes out sounding like 'ba-oum'

[Dorothea]

Lucky, my first thought is to put your own back issues first, getting letters from relatives (maybe even your boss?) who know about the issues and know how much you rely on your husband for help.
Can you pick up your son?

Anyway, I say whichever one seems more pressing to you is the one you should use as #1!

[Luckysprite]

Can you pick up your son?

Anyway, I say whichever one seems more pressing to you is the one you should use as #1!

Thanks for the input everyone. I am defiantely getting an outside of the box view of thigns and some great ideas.

Dorothea - I can pick him up - though obviously the older he has gotten the more difficult it has become - especially putting him in/out of his car seat in our SUV and in/out of his crib that he still sleeps in - since it is higher and he can not climb in himself ... hubby does it most of the time though just because he KNOWS I'd rather not just to avoid that strain - and the need for meds ... which I hate having to take.

[Dorothea]

You're too young for major back issues!

[J3NNI]

Yea the back should be first, because your child is still very young and may be able to catch up fast, and the seperation thing he should get over, i believe that at that age they recognize more that you are not there, our daughter is will be three in September and she recognizes when we are gone and asks for us, which my family tells her they will be back soon and get her intrested and busy doing other things. Do you leave him often with family or friends?, i would do so.

[J3NNI]

Thanks for the input everyone. I am defiantely getting an outside of the box view of thigns and some great ideas.

Dorothea - I can pick him up - though obviously the older he has gotten the more difficult it has become - especially putting him in/out of his car seat in our SUV and in/out of his crib that he still sleeps in - since it is higher and he can not climb in himself ... hubby does it most of the time though just because he KNOWS I'd rather not just to avoid that strain - and the need for meds ... which I hate having to take.

What he is still in a crib? at two we put maya in a toddler bed, i was afraid of her climbing out and falling on the floor. Scary.

[Luckysprite]

What he is still in a crib? at two we put maya in a toddler bed, i was afraid of her climbing out and falling on the floor. Scary.

Yes he is still in his crib. We are 4 people living in a small 2 bedroom townhouse and there is not room to put another bed in our room where his crib is now - as the crib sits up higher and we can put things underneath it comfortably. Space is extremely limited. My other son is 13 and at this point - his independance is important to him and I don't feel he should have to share his room with a baby right now. There is too great of an age difference.

He had never even attempted to climb out - nor has he ever fallen out. It is also important he be in our room at this point due to the fact that my husband works nights and is a heavy sleeper in the mornings. It is easier for him to be in a crib and safe from wandering the house if he got out of a toddler bed on his own before he woke daddy up. He manages doors just fine and if he left his own bed without my husband waking up - there could be a lot more damage done.

I personally don't think 2 1/2 is too old to be in a crib and it definately works for us for the mean time.

And - Yes we have attempted leaving him with relatives. The seperation anxiety is something we have been trying to work on with him since he was a year old or so. We have tried so many things - and very little works.

[J3NNI]

Yes he is still in his crib. We are 4 people living in a small 2 bedroom townhouse and there is not room to put another bed in our room where his crib is now - as the crib sits up higher and we can put things underneath it comfortably. Space is extremely limited. My other son is 13 and at this point - his independance is important to him and I don't feel he should have to share his room with a baby right now. There is too great of an age difference.

He had never even attempted to climb out - nor has he ever fallen out. It is also important he be in our room at this point due to the fact that my husband works nights and is a heavy sleeper in the mornings. It is easier for him to be in a crib and safe from wandering the house if he got out of a toddler bed on his own before he woke daddy up. He manages doors just fine and if he left his own bed without my husband waking up - there could be a lot more damage done.

I personally don't think 2 1/2 is too old to be in a crib and it definately works for us for the mean time.

And - Yes we have attempted leaving him with relatives. The seperation anxiety is something we have been trying to work on with him since he was a year old or so. We have tried so many things - and very little works.

I get it, i can understand now, some of my husbands family lives with others and have to share a room with their young children.

[monki12]

hey lucky,
i think i would do my back first, If this were trully a hsl.....let me explain. a hsl has to be hardship to you and like you mentioned before, you would have to tie in your sons issues back to you. However, i know that you are using a lawyer and the good thing about the lawyer is that your letter could be a little more emotional. In that case i would start of with your son. To begin with, if you hubby were banned, that would mean you would have to stop working so you could watch your son since he cant be left alone with anyone else. Also, maybe in real life you shouldnt be concerned with the autism, but i would stress the fact that he needs to be cleared from autism in my letter. I would mention that autism hasnt been ruled out, but they are trying the therapist sessions first and if that fails then they need to test for autism...etc, etc. BE emotional lucky, but with proof....that's one of the benefits you get from using a lawyer. His brief will be all facts and evidence, yours can show a litter concern and emotion.......at least that's what i think:blush:

[Luckysprite]

hey lucky,
i think i would do my back first, If this were trully a hsl.....let me explain. a hsl has to be hardship to you and like you mentioned before, you would have to tie in your sons issues back to you. However, i know that you are using a lawyer and the good thing about the lawyer is that your letter could be a little more emotional. In that case i would start of with your son. To begin with, if you hubby were banned, that would mean you would have to stop working so you could watch your son since he cant be left alone with anyone else. Also, maybe in real life you shouldnt be concerned with the autism, but i would stress the fact that he needs to be cleared from autism in my letter. I would mention that autism hasnt been ruled out, but they are trying the therapist sessions first and if that fails then they need to test for autism...etc, etc. BE emotional lucky, but with proof....that's one of the benefits you get from using a lawyer. His brief will be all facts and evidence, yours can show a litter concern and emotion.......at least that's what i think:blush:

Monki - that was good. Thank you so much - again - it has given me such a greater depth of insight.

I am thinking of writing up two drafts ... well one is pretty much done (needs some editing and re-working) - and it is more along the lines of if I was doing this myself without an attorney - and I do have my back problems listed first ... with my son's condition second - as I do not have any other medical problems, nor do my children anymore.

But my attorney is only asking for a two page letter from me - which I was hesitant about - but seeing it from the perspective you just laid out - it makes a little more sense to me. Maybe I need to write a more emotional one now - as if just to be supplemental to the way I have the first one written.

[monki12]

yeah lucky, thats what i had done. My lawyer asked for a three page max.....so i stressed my hardships, but i did get a little emotional since i knew that the lawyer would have an amazing factual brief......

good luck lucky, im keeping my toes and fingers crossed for you:blush:

[perez782]

Lucky put your back problem first! Did you go to the physical therapy? If yes, request your medical records and have the doctor write a letter regarding your condition and what followups you need. I have being going to the physical therapy for lower back pain and the chiropractor for two years, and I will have them write letters for me for the waiver.

[Luckysprite]

Perez - I did go - back in 2003 and it just aggrevated my condition actually. That was followed up by two rounds of epidural/steroid injections - also which had zero effect.

At that point was when surgery was mentioned for the first time by the ortho specialists - and as I said - it was too scary to think about and i have learned to live 'around' the problem - hoping to be in a better place in my life (emotionally and financially) before thinking about surgery.

I do have the medical records from all of the occurences back in 2003 - and I will be obtaining the records from my most recent visit to the orthopedic specialist in 2007. He just confirmed what was told to me in 2003 - "I am not surprised therapy/epidurals didn't work, let me know when you can not tolerate the pain and are ready for surgery". I asked about a back brace at that point and no joke - his reply was "do you want me to torture you" ... so I guess that is out of the question too! :)

I just worry about not getting a doctors note - since I don't frequent their offices and it would be chaos to try and see them now (long story and crappy insurance policies) I just hope all of the medical records are enough.

[perez782]

Well, why don't you ask them to write a letter on what was done to you and what procedure they recommeded (surgery) this should be good enough and have the medical record to backup the letter.

[perez782]

I know it was back in 2003 and recently 2007, but I'm sure that they can write something regarding your back.