ok, so it's time...

[joy&pain]

I've been very quiet, have you noticed?

well.... you read my crazy 'hubby homecoming' stories and it didn't sound good, did it? well, more pieces of the puzzle have been laid out on the table... and without going into a lot of detail... my husband gave up last summer and never thought his waiver would ever get approved. He began a new life that didn't include me and started making other plans. His approval came as such a surprise and shock to him, he didn't know what to do. But he's decided this other life is what he wants. We sign divorce papers at the end of the month.

I should have moved to his country... had the waiver never been an option, I would have. But the waiver being a very viable option, we thought it best that we keep the house we chose together and for me to keep up with everything here and send him money. Well, originally it was we, now he's saying it was me, that it was my idea not his. But it's over now and I can't go back and relive history. Plus, no matter what, that did not give him the right to be unfaithful. He will live to regret the biggest mistake of his life...

As for me, this has been going on for some time so I've been able to process this and am doing well. It's been about 3 weeks since I've confronted him about his affair. In that time, he has since moved out of our home, I've had the locks changed and am in the process of putting our home up for sale. He is to pay me back every penny that I ever spent on immigration & other expenses for the past 26 months that he was gone. I realize now that he brought a lot of problems upon me based on the decisions that he made for us and I feel free now from all of that. Plus, never having to deal with his sister or his family ever again is the biggest relief!!! Don't get me wrong, I did not want this divorce, but he made other plans and no longer wants to be married, so therefore I feel released from this now.

I'm ushering into a season of change...getting a different vehicle, changing my hair (hey, that really helps a girl! ;) ) and once the house is sold- getting a new place! I'll be just fine. Thanks for listening...

[Laura]

Wow... Joy. This is shocking of course but you seem like you are handling it with a great deal of calm, strength and maturity.

I hope you don't leave us forever... :)

Best of luck on the season of change. Enjoy it - I think getting new hair is great! And you know, being able to move on is a sign of a strong woman, which you are!

Hang in there and stay in touch...

[JustMe]

Oh no, I am so sorry that you have to go through this. Thank God you are such a strong woman. I hope and pray that everything works out in your favor.

Sometimes I don't understand men. They are so different then we are. Why do they give up so easily? Why don't they fight like we do?

I wish you all the best what life has to offer. Now it's time to think about YOU and only YOU and I can tell that you are going in the right direction.

Take care of yourself and God Bless You.

[Dorothea]

Joy, you know this, but I am so proud of you! You are taking good care of yourself, which can be so hard to do!
I was just reflecting on the times I've changed my hair to go with a life change! It's amazing what it can do for your confidence:)

[Cata]

I don't know what to say about your unfaithful husband but I can tell you that you are better without him in the long run. Once a cheater always a cheater.

Good luck to you in your new life adventures and try not to fall in love with someone that is not documented.
You gave 26 months to this person and that is a very very long to time to give to someone and then having to deal with this person cheating on you.

I personally, would not go thru this immigration process again ever if I were to have a divorce. I'm sorry but it is the most emotionally, financially, and mind draining experience that I have ever experienced.

Live your life to the fullest and never look back.

[Sabrina022203]

Joy I am so proud of you for taking care of you. This happens to so many woman and they try to win back their husband's and wonder what they did to make their husband's cheat. The answer is nothing they just did it. Do you girl and remember to put you first!

[Klame1983]

joy - You sound like you're a very strong person! I wish I could be like that! I wish you the best with this new life change. Remember, change is always good! Stay in touch with us! :)

[Torres]

I am sorry for what you are going through some men are so ungreatful.It looks like you got a handle on your life. Do you all have children to togather.

[joy&pain]

Thank you everyone for your support and kind words.

Torres~ no, thank God, we do not have any children together. We have been married a little over 4 years and together for 6. We wanted to wait until after the process was over before we tried for children... good thing we did too!

And Cata~ no worries, I now know all that it takes to be with someone who is undocumented and I would not go through that again.

Klame~ that Deut. verse should be my new life verse! Wow, it is powerful!

[angela256z]

Oh Joy- I am sorry. You are so strong though. I can see that just by reading the words you have written. I wish you the best of luck in your future and you will get the man you deserve.

[Pooh79]

I couldnt not be more proud at your strength and wisdom. You are taking this all in a positive way and that will help you heal in the long run.

I wish you only the best in your new life. He will regret it sooner than you think...

xoxoxo

[Auntlily]

Wow, I guess there are no words for what you are going through except those of encouragement and reminder that we are here for you..this "unseen" family is always here!

I pray that the Lord may guide your footsteps through this new journey. I'll always remember my husbands's grandmother's (RIP) wise words "when one door closes, another one opens and it is usually a lot better!" So Joy, remove that pain from your Profile name!! I'm glad that you seem to be strong and confident but if you ever feel down or sad or lonely, it's ok too. It's good to relieve ourselfs of emotions. It's the souls way of going potty!! Anyhow, just know that I am here for whenever you just need an ear!

wow...

[Theresa]

I dont know what to say other than were all proud of you to walk out with your head up and stronger than ever. as pooh said "He will regret it sooner than you think...

[jsierra1982]

i'm sorry to hear about that joy...i wish you all the best and don't disappear on us!

[ojos_de_alicia]

hey joy.!! sorry about him and his decisions... but as many others have said.. you are strong and im glad your doing your best to get on with your life (which seems full of fun) so..yes def go get your hair done!!! good luck!!! and keep us posted!

[Cfloresgirl]

Wow JP.Am I glad to see you are picking yourself up from all this and getting on with your life.I have been in your spot before and let me tell you, it is very true when it is said "this will make you stronger" because it will.You already sound strong and independant so look forward to all that is ahead of you honey!..Good Luck and don't be a stranger your strength is our inspiration on I2US!!!:hug:

[Kikigurl1]

Joy. I'm seriously in shock. It's insane how fast things unfold and how much your life can change. I see it changing for the better though, because you will be happy again!! I love you and send tons of hugs and support your way. Have fun with your new hair :D <3 :hug:

[milliesmom]

j&p... in reading your post, I began to feel sad that another marriage had been broken to pieces by the immigration process. We try to do things "right" and this is what happens.
You are very strong and will be strongER.

[MMGCA]

wow, joy im in shok.....you are taking everything sooo calm.... thats good, take care of your self.

[ratito921]

Joy I'm glad you're strong and you're moving on. It's good to know what you're capable of handling and actually doing it. For that I give you lots of credit. Hugs to you!!! I hope you stick around and shoot the breeze with us.

[RMJM30]

I admire your strength. May God bless you and be your guide in the next stage in your life.

[Jenalo]

I am so sorry. Dont forget to get your nails done too! It really helps too. :D

[y14gemini]

I am so sorry to hear this! I am also proud of you for holding your head up! Stay strong! :)

[Glühbirne]

I'm soo sorry to hear about the situation. I must say that you do seem to have your feet firmly planted on the ground. Congratulations on your maturity.

[losguerra]

Wow, joy. My heart fell as soon as I saw this post. :( You seem to be handling it so well, but I still feel terrible for all that you put into this whole thing. Stay strong!

[Luckysprite]

J&P - I am sorry you are having to deal with this right now. On top of the other million emotions this process can bring to anyone - it always breaks my heart to see this be the end result. Time will heal the wounds this has created and you seem to be handling it in an incredibly composed, mature manner as others have stated. Amazing strength from an amazing woman.

Tomorrow a new day begins!

[aprilstorm]

You are a strong woman and deserve nothing but the best!!!! I'm not sorry for you....because you have shown what a wonderful person you are...I feel sorry for him because he lost the best thing that ever came into his life!!!! He will regret it....and when he knocks at your door you can have the last laugh. I'm proud of you lady!!!!!

[KellyKS]

Sorry for what happened, just keep up your positive attitude and you will get through it all. I just want to give you my blessing and wish the best for you.

[mami.rodriguez]

My girlfriends and I, when we were in high school, would all go out for a haircut and a new bra to make us feel better when disaster hit!!! I still do it, to this day. Stay strong, and take care of you!!! I wish you happiness, you sure as heck deserve it!

[joy&pain]

aw, thanks! I've finally decided how I want me hair cut-- razor cut layers throughout and blonde highlights (I'm a redhead).

I'm also in the midst of car-shopping and need to paint the inside of the house to get it ready for sale. It's keeping me busy, ok that plus the braves games, barbecues, etc that have been filling up my weekend! woohoo. I talked to my soon-to-be ex yesterday and he asked about my weekend and I told him all the fun stuff I did and asked about his weekend, he said "nothing! absolutely nothing except work all weekend! I work ALL THE TIME!" ha ha. I said 'that's good though, because you owe me a LOT of money', heehee!

I got the latest Juanes cd and the first song on it is "No creo en el Jamas" and that is my song for this season of my life. You should listen to it! It's great!!!

wow, seems like a lot of women are having hubby issues lately... I'm off to read the other soapbox posts...

[Chapital]

My heart goes out to you. Good luck with everything.

[J3NNI]

Wow that is so sad to think that you went through all of this and he chose to leave you, yopoor girl what an awful guy, i am glad that you are moving on, and yes getting a new haircut is great. i hope you find love again
Jenni

[hilarya]

Sweetie,
I am so sorry. I wish you the best of luck. You deserve much better than him.

[LucynSergio]

Joy, I am so sorry you are having to go through this. I can't believe he did that. But just remember it is his lost... not yours honey. He sure doesn't deserve you. You are better off without him...

Good luck...and go enjoy life without him..Pamper yourself..And definetly make him pay you every penny back.

[angela256z]

Joy I am so sorry to hear about the things going on. You seem very strong and I admire you for that. Keep your head up girl cause he will regret losing someone as strong as you are.

[christytorres]

Hey Joy, I am just now reading this..where was In april..well girl..good luck to you..remember its his loss..and well like the saying says, there are plenty of fish in the sea...

[chalakita]

I am just reading this too, and I want to wish you the best of luck!

[Amazonmamita]

J&P, I had read this before, I hope you are doing okay........you haven't been on here as much so I would like to say "Hey", and you know we only live a little ways apart, if you ever want to hang out or need a friend, please PM and we can go live it up!

[NicoleJB]

I feel so much sadness for you, I have looked towards your immigration situation because we are just beginning ours, You will get through this, and you will be the person who will prosper and you will find a new life again, focus on yourself for now and don't live in the past or the future live for right now. I wish you stability because I really feel that is what we are all searching, hoping and praying for in all of our lives.

[joy&pain]

Wow, this post feels like forever ago and it was only like 3 months ago... Much can happen in a season. I just want to encourage whoever may be going through a similar situation--- Life gets better and easier! I feel so much freedom now and my burden is much lighter... plus ex-hubby came by yesterday to give me a repayment check, so that always makes me feel better. :D He's going to be paying me back for a LOOOOOOONNNNNNGGGGG time.

Please don't feel sad for me, because I am really doing well. He is miserable, but I am just fine. I've moved on to bigger and better. Thank you guys for still thinking of me and giving me encouragement. Life has a funny way of working itself out, doesn't it?! ;)

[Kikigurl1]

Joy, I love you and you are AWESOME :hug:

[Amazonmamita]

Wow, this post feels like forever ago and it was only like 3 months ago... Much can happen in a season. I just want to encourage whoever may be going through a similar situation--- Life gets better and easier! I feel so much freedom now and my burden is much lighter... plus ex-hubby came by yesterday to give me a repayment check, so that always makes me feel better. :D He's going to be paying me back for a LOOOOOOONNNNNNGGGGG time.

Please don't feel sad for me, because I am really doing well. He is miserable, but I am just fine. I've moved on to bigger and better. Thank you guys for still thinking of me and giving me encouragement. Life has a funny way of working itself out, doesn't it?! ;)

Alright so when are we going to celebrate?? I need a buddy!

[hilarya]

Joy, you know we love you and are here for you!

[christytorres]

Joy..so glad to hear you are doing well..and life does work out..and sometimes for the better..stay in touch..god bless..

[ojos_de_alicia]

Hi joy! glad to hear all is well!!!!

[joy&pain]

Alright so when are we going to celebrate?? I need a buddy!

Anytime! I'm ready. You are not that far from me! Maybe we'll have to drive down to Daytona and pick up Kiki! LOL! :D

[Pooh79]

Wow, this post feels like forever ago and it was only like 3 months ago... Much can happen in a season. I just want to encourage whoever may be going through a similar situation--- Life gets better and easier! I feel so much freedom now and my burden is much lighter... plus ex-hubby came by yesterday to give me a repayment check, so that always makes me feel better. :D He's going to be paying me back for a LOOOOOOONNNNNNGGGGG time.

Please don't feel sad for me, because I am really doing well. He is miserable, but I am just fine. I've moved on to bigger and better. Thank you guys for still thinking of me and giving me encouragement. Life has a funny way of working itself out, doesn't it?! ;)

:thumbup:

[emt103c]

I, too am just reading this.

I am very impressed and GLAD to hear that you are happy (almost as glad to hear he's miserable :angryfire:)

[*Maha*]

Glad to hear that you are doing well! Did you get that haircut?

[joy&pain]

I did get the haircut and highlights, although its time to get the highlights again already.
I did get another vehicle too, but I'm still living in the same house. I've changed it up quite a bit, so that it at least feels different. :)

[ojos_de_alicia]

omg u did not post pix of the new hairdo lol! no fair!!!

[joy&pain]

ha! alicia, I don't know how to post pics on here! LOL! That's why you've never seen any pics of me at all... maybe one day when I am at home and have time to figure it out. hee hee.

how are YOU doing by the way?

[llanderos11]

This is really hard. Divorce is always hard. But it was inevitable. Even if you had moved to Mexico with him, this relationship would have died at some point because there was not enough commitment and/or love from both parties. After being in a relationship like this for 15 years, I can tell you that it is so much better early than later. Once I was free and actually found somebody that really does love me, I'm too old to have a family with him. We are actually planning our retirement rather than our future - ha, ha. That is actually ironically funny. You will be stronger, better and have so much more to give once you get through this. God bless.

[ojos_de_alicia]

llanderos..he was in colombia not mex :)


and joy.. u must figure out the whole photbucket thing lol

u open a photobucket acct... right?

thenu upload ur pix onto it
once they are uploadede under each pic u will see like 4 codes
u wanna pic the code that has [img] or something as the beginning.. and then past it into the thread and .. voillllla .. picture! =D

[joy&pain]

ok, alicia, sometime when I am home I will open up a photobucket account. No, I do not have one... Guess that would help if I did, lol!
Edit:
[QUOTE=llanderos11;245741]This is really hard. Divorce is always hard. But it was inevitable. Even if you had moved to Mexico with him, this relationship would have died at some point because there was not enough commitment and/or love from both parties. [QUOTE]

Don't know why I am even going to post this, it will almost sound like I am defending him... but I'm not.

It wasn't inevitable and I was 100% committed to him. My now ex-husband was in Colombia for 26 months. He got disillusioned after waiting 17 of those 26 months and gave up. I know that it would have had a different outcome had I moved there, and no one can tell me any differently.

However, I'm already in a new season of my life filled with peace and dwelling on a failed marriage is not how I choose to spend my time. I almost wish the mods would delete this thread because it feels like a lifetime ago... even though it was just a few months ago.
Edit:
totally hating this auto-merging post thing! It's messed up my posts twice now. lol.

[Auntlily]

Joy, let's burn this thread along with our bra's!!!:angryfire:

[mjfalove]

i just wanted to say that i also admire your strength and determination!!! Good luck to you in the future

[ce&ll]

Joy,
I'm glad to hear that you are doing so well! You go Girl, you deserve to be happy in this new part of your life, it sounds like you way better off without your Ex!

[1MessedUpSourPatchKid]

Well after reading the whole thing sorry but I have to post :rolleyes:

All I have to say is that you are one tough cookie and I love your attitude and how you handled the whole divorce thing.

I love the haircut plans and all the change.

Cheers to you girl friend :party2::eyes::clap:

[Kikigurl1]

totally hating this auto-merging post thing! It's messed up my posts twice now. lol.

I too hate the automerging stuff... it's irritating lol :innocent: