Tired, sad, irritable...

[epm525]

I'm so wore out, guys. It's all I can do to type this post, looking for support from my I2US friends.

As you can see below, we've been through the AOS and failed. Sometimes I feel like I am the one who failed (even though I know that the blame falls on my husband, my worthless ex-lawyer and the legislature that can't figure out a way to ease my pain). I guess it's my fault because I fell in love with him. We have Annie Schwartz who has agreed to take on our case (although she might back out after reading the email I wrote to her today with some details! Hopefully not!) and I know that there are lots of people in far worse situations that us, but I'm nearing meltdown.

I flipped out on my husband this morning because he didn't clean the condensation off his window in the car and then tried to make a turn without winding down his window.

I love him so much, but I don't even want him to touch me most of the time. (Not the case before, by the way) Isn't that crazy? He's such a good husband and father. He does laundry, cleans up, COOKS, watches the baby during the day while I'm at work and then works 40+ hours at his job at night. He colors with the baby and takes her outside to play and everything. I really couldn't ask more of him. Except maybe that he wouldn't have lost his passport and I-94. Just that one little thing. :sarcasm2:

The people I work with are wackos. People get so emotionally involved that it interferes with my work. Ease up, people. Then you hear the "oh, I'm so mad, this person got a three step promotion" or "we're having a meeting because we are tired of this person." I want to grab them all and bang their heads together.

We moved in with my parents to get back on our feet and finish up this immigration stuff. Well, that was a year and a half ago. It's going well, but we all need our own space. I'm one of those 30-year-olds in my parents basement. Yep. Did I mention it's a one bathroom house? My mom is so cute. She asked me this weekend if it would help if she got a bunch of signatures asking that my hubby stay in the country. :rolleyes:

I've been thinking that maybe I should go see a counselor or something. I really don't like medicine, though, and I would really like to find another way to keep my sanity.

I haven't been posting a lot lately. I don't know why - a little depressed maybe. But I have been reading (at least the threads that don't look too sad.) Ratitio - darn you for posting that thread on Diva. I'm not emotionally stable enough to read that one. What a cutie. Anywho, I'm happy for all the approvals and good news, guys.

So, I'm putting myself to bed, but I would appreciate hearing how others have brought their spirits back up (without medicine) and how you keep on trucking through all of this.

[aprilstorm]

I'm sorry your feeling bad. :hug: When hubby was gone I had to be put on depression meds..I didn't want to take them but I finally did because it was killing me...it was effecting every wakeing moment ...I also had to be put on sleep meds because I couldn't sleep....I was so tired but nothing I did helped. As soon as hubby came back I talked to my doc and she weened me off..now I'm totally off of them. I totally understand your not wanting to take any meds but sometimes they do help.
I wish you lots of luck and I hope that soon you feel better. We are here for you!!!

[Laura]

Beth - Hang in there!

I know you have been through a ton already but there is such a good chance that your husband will only be gone for a short time. You guys are going to get the I-824 going, put together a kick-***** hardship packet and he'll be a resident before you know it.

As far as living in your parents' basement - who cares? Don't worry about what other people think and just make the best of it.

As far as therapy, I would give it a shot. Medications, maybe not, if you don't feel comfortable with them but counseling can be great if you just need someone to vent and talk things through with.

Finally - have more sex! Seriously... at least in my relationship, nothing is more indicative of things going wrong than a lack of action. If it's not happening because of the living situation or the baby than just arrange things (get a babysitter, tell your mom to leave the house with your daughter, whatever) and take some time for yourselves. Don't let immigration interfere with your relationship!

You are going to be okay. Be strong!

[FloresFamilia]

Finally - have more sex! Seriously... at least in my relationship, nothing is more indicative of things going wrong than a lack of action. If it's not happening because of the living situation or the baby than just arrange things (get a babysitter, tell your mom to leave the house with your daughter, whatever) and take some time for yourselves. Don't let immigration interfere with your relationship!

LOL!!! This is soooo true. I think it can become a cycle. The less you feel like it, the less you do it, and the less you get it on, well....the less you feel like it!!(meaning "I don't want you to come near me!!") Did that make sense. I just wanted to add that I find if I just do it anyway...even though I really don't feel like it...I mean just "get er done!" It can get things restarted. If my husband and I can reconnect again intimately and enjoy some "us" time, it can really clear out any resentment I've been building and break down that "don't touch me!"
Our version of this= movies and a 6 pack or bottle of wine lol!!! After the kids go down on a Friday or Saturday night....we hang out till 2 or 3am, have some drinks, watch a movie, laugh, and snuggle;)

Don't worry about the living in the basement. You are doing what you need to do for your family. If you think on it too much it is a waste of energy!! We did this as well to get on our feet when we moved out here.

[Dorothea]

EPM, girl, I feel you...
If it makes you feel better, I am also a 30 year old living in my parent's basement... I have my school apartment, but home is my mom's... I am so happy they let me stay without asking for anything, but it's hard! And I don't have a car, so I'm "borrowing" my dad's car (since August!). It drives my step-mom crazy, but she doesn't complain to me... Ugh.
You are not alone, and you shouldn't be too upset. We're so lucky that we have families that will help us out!

Okay, on the sex thing, Laura is right... You need to have a little more sex. I am a firm believer that sex in a relationship is very important, and that people not having or not wanting sex is a big indicator...
PLUS, You can have sex, jerk!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lol

And the meds issue: Epm, I've been on anti-depressants for the last year solid, but on and off before that. And I can honestly say that I wouldn't be here if it weren't for my meds.
I am now on a very small dose of Zoloft, but it keeps me able to get out of my bad places. I still get dperessed and stressed out, but I can come back... It sounds to me like you're depressed, for sure... Not wanting sex, not being able to think clearly, not being motivated, all signs... And there's nothing wrong with it. We all go through it at some point in our lives.
And you just had some heart breaking news with your denial!

Please try not to be angry at your husband. The truth is, we all make mistakes, and we all do things that we regret, sometimes for the rest of our lives! Being angry at him will only make you resent him, and that resenment has a way of growing and growing.
When my husband called me and told me he had a 3 year bar last year I got mad for about 2 minutes. He was begging me to forgive him, and I just thought to myself that what he did was just a simple mistake. He did it without thinking that it would have any bearing on our future... he already feels guilty enough without me attacking him and blaming our situation on him. So I forgave him. I had to. I think it would have torn us apart for me to blame him forever.
Oh my, I didn't think I'd be writing you a book. Epm, I hope you start to feel better... Please talk to your doctor, even if it's just for a counselor recommendation... I will be thinking of you.
And if you need someone to talk to, please let me know...

[Dorothea]

And please have some good sex!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:innocent:
It's an amazing stress reliever. SERIOUSLY!

[ojos_de_alicia]

lol i agree on the sex... and to be happier w.o meds i would say.. just go on a lunch date.. once in a while with a friend.. and just relax... well try!!! to relax i tan i know its bad.. but it really helps with depression too!!!


dont feel bad about feeling that way w your husband.. i too often blame him for the way things turned out in our case (its only true!) but then i feel bad... he will respond in a sad voice with "I know, I know it's all my fault and im sorry" that of course makes me feel worse.. but im glad he's not blaming me for being in the situation we are in.... i guess just try to control the anger u have for the immigration system and remember that mistakes happen.. good luck!

[Glühbirne]

Right now you're at your lowest point, but the most positive thing about that is that it can only get better from here.

Sometimes stress can make people lose thier interest in sex for a while. Try to get away for a day or a weekend or even a few hours. Even if you can't get away together physically, at least try to do it mentally. Don't get away with the specific purpose of sex, but with the purpose of concentrating 100% on eachother for a while and the sex will probably happen too. Whether it's spending the weekend in another place, or just spending some time going for a walk together or whatever. During that time, don't talk about immigration or finances or problems with family. Reminisce about the good old days when you fell in love.

[Cfloresgirl]

I think maybe getting a counselor or at least a neutral person to talk things over with would help a lot..hope you feel better soon...

Let sex be your medication..:wink:

[FloresFamilia]

During that time, don't talk about immigration or finances or problems with family. Reminisce about the good old days when you fell in love.

This is important. Sometimes I think this immigration mess gets so all consuming. It starts to take over every thought you have. I can become hard to relate to others even because everything else seems so meaningless or trivial in comparison. If your future seems totally up in the air it becomes hard to focus on anything else. But it is important that your present days and moments need your attention too, it is hard to let go and just enjoy them, but it is important. Take a walk, read a book, do a puzzle(this is my favorite for comfort!), enjoy a hobby, etc.. With all the busyness and worry we can forget to enjoy our relationships right now as they are. My husband soooo appreciates when I can let everything go and hang out like we are 21 again. After all this is what you are fighting for in the long run, so don't miss out on possible good moments now!!

[epm525]

You guys are all so awesome. Great advice. We have been thinking about taking a quick weekend trip to Sesame Place this Spring - maybe that's just what the doctor ordered!

And I definitely hear you all - I'll put forth effort to "engage" more often. At least one of us should be happy, right? hahaha

[gdalicia]

I totally relate to everything you are going through. We are also living with my Mom and I know the stress that can cause on a marriage. It's no wonder you're not in the mood with everything that has been going on! Hang in there...hopefully you will get some good news from your new lawyer.

[mjfalove]

And please have some good sex!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:innocent:
It's an amazing stress reliever. SERIOUSLY!

I agree with you!!! I would give ANYTHING to relieve stress that way!!!!! My hubby is in Guanajuato----I can't afford that booty call as often as i wish i could!!! LMAO :waiting:

[Dorothea]

Mj, I'm with you... If only :daydream:

[aprilstorm]

How are you today?

[epm525]

Hi guys - I'm feeling a little better today. It really does help to hear the encouraging words from you all.

Dorothea, mj - I know you guys would give anything to have your husband irritating you here in the states. :( That's one of the reasons I feel back for complaining! I'll do it. Just for you. :)

Now I have a stupid spyware programs that mysteriously took over the computer today. Any suggestions to remove that would be appreciated under that thread.

One day at a time, right guys?

[Dorothea]

That's exactly it, one day at a time... You can't do anything else!

[aprilstorm]

I had something like that take over my computer...I had to take it to the computer lady :) I finally bought a new one in February.