Argh....

[brezarenee]

Why is it that every time my husband and I have a fight, he runs into another room and calls his mother?!?! Seriously, WTH?? He doesn't call her and complain about me or anything like that, he just calls because he's such a mama's boy and it frustrates me to no end....
I think it's because he left Mexico at such a young age that he still thinks he's a child and his mama is the best thing in the whole world. I mean honestly, sometimes I feel like he talks to his mom more than me. I can't even guess how much he spends a month on calling cards. I feel like I have to compete with my MIL for his love. Am I the only one?

[Glühbirne]

Fortunately that hasn't been an issue in our marriage.

It's actually quite common. The term used to describe it is"Mamitis" (http://www.mexconnect.com/mex_/travel/akirkcaldy/amyk1003.html) . I studied it in college, believe it or not. It's called "Mamitis" and it's an over-attachment to the mother in Latin American men.

[tasksgirl]

Lol I think all of our hubby's probably suffer from this.. my hubby would never tell her details of a fight either he is very private - his whole family is kinda private - at least more so than most Hispanic families ! The extended family however is terrible at gossiping.. we all know who's cheating who got an abortion and who is getting abused!! But my MIL FIL and hubby are more secretive..

So anyway.. he's just calling her to talk in general because he's sad? She is in Mexico right? I mean I can understand feeling sad because she is not around. I am not very close with my parents and hubby is really close with his so perhaps it is totally a cultural thing.. if you aren't that close with your family it can be hard to imagine what it's like .. it could probably also help if YOU yourself got closer to his family then you might not feel so cold/jealous towards them..

That being said you should still be his first priority if he is still putting her first that is wrong.. they will slip up from time to time but we just have to remind them who is who..

[Luckysprite]

I don't want to say - just learn to deal with it- but my sister has been with her husband for almost 17 years and he is such a mama's boy - always has been and always will be. (and he is not hispanic, for the record)

This caused A LOT of strife in the early years of their relationship - and it really has just been something that my sister has just had to come to terms with. She has had many many discussions/arguments and tears with her husband over this and let him know how she feels over it all - like she is always second to his mom, etc - but in the end - while there has been some compromise on both of their parts- she just has learned to pick the more important battles.

Occasionally - they still fight about this - but in the end - they are both very very important women in his life - as in your husbands - and there has to be give/take in all situations.

[brezarenee]

Thanks for replying ladies. Fyi, as you can probably guess I was writing the original message right after we'd gotten into a fight and as he was in the other room talking to his mom. I know these calls have nothing to do with our fights. It's mostly a way for him to get me to just stop nagging him about whatever it was and cool off, I guess. But in the moment, it sure ticks me off.

I think my husband is definitely a mama's boy, but it's much more extreme due to the fact that he hasn't seen her in 7 years. It's not that I don't understand because I don't have a close family. I have a very tight-knit family, but I've never been in the situation where I couldn't see them for 7 years. The longest I've gone was 1 year, and I remember feeling so homesick by the time that year was up. His little brother was exactly the same way when he was here a couple years ago, idolizing their mom as perfect in every way and calling her and talking for hours just like my husband. You'd never hear either of them say a bad thing about their mom. Well, now that his brother has gone back home he basically ignores his mom and is only around the house enough for her to feed him and pick up after him. She actually talks now about how she misses him being here because it was so nice how they talked over the phone, whereas now they never talk. I'm thinking with my husband it's probably similar to this. Well, I won't stand for him treating his mom like crap, but I think a lot of the talking for hours with his mom is due to his homesickness. I know it's homesickness, and I try to be so sensitive (hence coming to the board, not yelling at him!) but sometimes it's just really hard when I want to be sensitive to him yet I find myself feeling lonely because he's talking to his family in Mexico all night long when he's rarely home.

On top of that, he feels like he has to take care of his mom not only financially, but emotionally. She's a very sweet and caring woman, but I wish she would not place such a burden on my husband's shoulders. She is constantly crying over the phone about silly things that I could NEVER imagine my mother crying to me over - it really seems like guilt trips. Sometimes I feel like reminding my MIL that she is the mother and needs to act like it. Of course I can't do this, but I feel like my husband has such a huge burden on his shoulders. He has me and our son plus the ENTIRE extended family. He's the head of two famililes, and it's just a ton of pressure.

[jsierra1982]

my husband loves his mother...but she usually takes my side! it cracks me up.

[Dorothea]

Elias is a mama's boy to a certain extent...
When I was living in Mexico with my in-laws there were times I actually felt like I was competing with my suegra for Elias's affection, but I also felt really stupid feeling that...
She is an amazing and kind woman who would do anything for me, but she worships Elias, it seems. He had been in the US taking care of the family for 5 years and so to her he is a prince.
What bothered me most was how she waits on him hand and foot, allows him to be bossy, and coddles him. I don't let him get away with that crap, so sometimes I would want to yell at her about it, but it's just her way. I'll just have to correct his bad habits again when we live together :D
Cause I'm certainly not going to wait on his butt. lol

[brezarenee]

Elias is a mama's boy to a certain extent...
When I was living in Mexico with my in-laws there were times I actually felt like I was competing with my suegra for Elias's affection, but I also felt really stupid feeling that...
She is an amazing and kind woman who would do anything for me, but she worships Elias, it seems. He had been in the US taking care of the family for 5 years and so to her he is a prince.
What bothered me most was how she waits on him hand and foot, allows him to be bossy, and coddles him. I don't let him get away with that crap, so sometimes I would want to yell at her about it, but it's just her way. I'll just have to correct his bad habits again when we live together :D
Cause I'm certainly not going to wait on his butt. lol

Oh, that's such a big fear of mine! It's taken me a little while to 'untrain' my husband and teach him that he needn't be waited on hand and foot. I mean I work full-time too, so I can't do everything around the house myself! He's gotten very good and really does his share of the housework and childcare now. But, I'm so afraid of what will happen after living with his mom while we're in Mexico. The men there (at least in his family) don't lift a hand to do ANYTHING. I keep reminding him that his newly learned behavior is about being grown up and not about being in the US. :D I don't plan on letting his mom do everything for him while we're there. I'm sooo not intrested in him relearning that old helplessness. lol.

[tasksgirl]

my husband loves his mother...but she usually takes my side! it cracks me up.

LOL! mine does this too it's awesome..
my MIL is amazing because she holds herself to those backwards impossible standards but she doesn't hold other women like me or her daughter to it...

She's aging and sick with diabetes and yet she works 2 jobs and still comes home and cooks for hours..

Yet she knows that in my household I work and hubby isn't working so she bugs him to cook and clean for ME :bounce: she is the best.. she was like literally yelling at him to keep the house clean for me ! And another time she was bugging him because the way he gives directions is gonna make me crash! (hold on.. ok.. wait.. hold on.. OK RIGHT THERE RIGHT THERE .. NO THAT WAY..NO NO)

[Dorothea]

Oh, that's such a big fear of mine! It's taken me a little while to 'untrain' my husband and teach him that he needn't be waited on hand and foot. I mean I work full-time too, so I can't do everything around the house myself! He's gotten very good and really does his share of the housework and childcare now. But, I'm so afraid of what will happen after living with his mom while we're in Mexico. The men there (at least in his family) don't lift a hand to do ANYTHING. I keep reminding him that his newly learned behavior is about being grown up and not about being in the US. :D I don't plan on letting his mom do everything for him while we're there. I'm sooo not intrested in him relearning that old helplessness. lol.

I know, before we went to Mexico he was so helpful... It's okay, he knows I am not his mama, so when we settle in again I'm sure he'll expect me to crack the whip. lol

[JennyM]

Usually when me and hubby fight I'm the one saying "I'm telling mama!" LOL....mama loves me and she never met me...yet....he's jealous too...LOL.

[Autumnstarr71]

Yea, well it is not his mama it is his sister, He once told me she is way sweeter then you or your girls (my 2). Yea she is soooo perfect. She does no wrong in his eyes. Errrrrr it really bugs me...

[brezarenee]

I know, before we went to Mexico he was so helpful... It's okay, he knows I am not his mama, so when we settle in again I'm sure he'll expect me to crack the whip. lol

Crack that whip Dorothea!! And then once you have him all retrained, all come running to you for advise! :thumbup: