Marital Help Needed

[dianna832]

I’m fairly new to this marriage thing and I need some advice.

Is it ok for your husband to go out every weekend with his friends and come back until early am?

How much freedom is “ok”?” :dunno:

Any advise is appreciated...

[Chapital]

Every relationship is different. For me this would not be OK, but I can't say what is OK for you...only you can say that. The fact that you are asking for advice tells me you might not be OK with it....

[angelito21]

Definitely not OK!!!!!!! w/me. You both need to sit down and talk about it and hopefully come to an agreement. Specially if this just start it, you need to talk to him now and get things straighten out.

Good Luck!

[Laura]

I think it really depends what you think is okay. I definitely don't think that's appropriate, but I'm not sure being married immediately changes things. Was he doing this when you were dating/engaged? Did something change, or did you expect it to when you got married?

[Dorothea]

Dianna, I absolutely agree with Chapital. If you don't feel like it's okay then it's not. Talk to your husband about it... He needs to compromise with you.

[Pooh79]

I agree with the other girls. That would NOT be okay with me. I guess it depends on your way of thinking and comfort level. Obviously since you are questioning you don't think its okay any longer. You will have to sit down with hubby and have a convo about it.

In the almost 5 years hubby and I have been married he has only gone out once and stayed out until 6 a.m. but b/c I told him to stay so that he didn't drive home drunk. He was with my BFF's hubby and her house lol.

[gdalicia]

What matters is whether or not it's okay with you. I personally would not be okay with that, but I've also learned to give my husband space and realize that he needs time with his friends. My last relationship was with someone who was not truthful so I have some "trust" baggage. Staying out all night seems like a red flag to me, though.

[Vivi]

I don't think it's ok to do it every weekend. Once a month may be alright, would be ok if you did the same thing?? (I dont think so!!)

[dianna832]

You’re right I’m not being ok with it and I have this problem!!! My husband goes out every Saturday and lately he’s been going out on Fridays too… This Saturday he came home at 8am. It’s not a trusting issue, I know where he’s at but… what infuriates me is that he is out there until early am and thinks its ok. I understand one must have their own freedom but he is taking advantage of it don’t you think?? I have tried talking to him but he just doesn’t listen to me. I told him how I feel about losing sleep worrying about him but all I get is “ya no estes llorando”, “vamos a salir peleando” “tranquilizate manana ablamos cuando no estes enojada” Of course I tell him all about how I feel but it just goes straight through one ear and comes out the other and I even falsely threatened him to go back home to Houston with my parents but that didn’t work.. jajaja I can’t leave him. I don’t know what to do… I’m afraid it’ll happen again this weekend. We have a wonderful relationship but this is the only thing that I don't like... :confused1:

[Laura]

Dianna - did he do this before you married?

[angela256z]

I let my husband go out with his family about 2 - 3 times a month. We have some rules behind it, but I feel he needs it so that he does not feel so trapped with just the two of us. I am not sure if I could allow this every weekend without me. It really depends on what you are comfortable with and like people were saying if you are bringing this up you must not be to comfortable with it.

[dianna832]

He did go out before but not as much... he invites me to go with him but they are only guys, and that's uncomfortable for me... and if I do go, he doesn't want me to tell him that I want to go home... uggg.

[Salsa2]

Why doesn't he take you out on weekends, to dinner or dancing? He doesn't need to spend all his free time with his guy friends!

He does need a bit of freedom, maybe going out one or two nights a month, but every weekend is too much. If going out is his priority, he should have stayed single.

[Dorothea]

Ugh! 8AM??????????????
I would have GONE TO GET HIS as$$$$ at about 2am. Seriously.

[dianna832]

[QUOTE=Salsa2;156678]Why doesn't he take you out on weekends, to dinner or dancing? He doesn't need to spend all his free time with his guy friends!
QUOTE]

He did take me out this weekend, went to eat, did some shopping... we spent all day together got home 7ish, and then he left to his friends house... excuse: I'm going to get 20 bucks that I let Pepe borrow. I won't be out long!!

Uggg... I got on him for that too.. But really, we didn't have this problem when we were dating. I used to go out a lot too but ever since we were together I just stopped not going out so often.

[angelito21]

Ugh! 8AM??????????????
I would have GONE TO GET HIS as$$$$ at about 2am. Seriously.

You're so funny! :partyhat:

[angela256z]

Yeah 8am would not work. My hubby did that once. He knows better now. We also have an understanding that if I go and I want to go home we are going home.

[angelito21]

Yeah 8am would not work. My hubby did that once. He knows better now. We also have an understanding that if I go and I want to go home we are going home.

Right I agree with you. You really need to let him know how you feel. I think he's taking advantage of the fact that you won't leave him. You should not tolerate anything you're not comfortable with. Life's too short!

[dianna832]

Of course, if I did it, it would be a no no!!! He says it won't but that's because he knows I won't do it!!

[RMJM30]

Dianna my moms best friend had a husband (RIP) that when they lived near a Mexico border town he would disappear and come home at the wee hours in the morning. She would be so mad at him and she would start the yelling and cursing. como dicen hasta le decia de lo que se hiba morir. Either way she said it was becoming a ritual with him it was always causing problems between them but she said she had spoke with a lady that told her you know what change things around when he gets home get up ask him if he would like something to eat. (no matter what time) and play a different tune. And sure enough he was always expecting her to have outburst that when she stopped having them for some reason he stoppped going out. So try a different approach with him. I honestly don't think that there is no reason to keep going out. In that case why marry? If he's still wanting to hang out with his buddies. Either way I wish you good luck with your situation and I would surely speak with him and let him know what it is that is bothering you.

[~MP~]

no that would not be acceptable for me at all...
My husband and I are together on the weekends and we do thing together as a couple. At this point our marriage is very young and we dont feel like being with anyone but ourselves.
But he told me before we got married the on the weekdays he works and on the weekend it is time to take his family out....that is me and the kids.

[dianna832]

RMJ. I really liked that idea... and if this continues to happen and shows no effort of changing I'm going to give it a try...

anyhow, I'm going to sit him down today and make sure I get heard...

thanks for listening to me you guys. I posted this here because I knew you guys would be great help!!

[2004mms]

I, definitely, do not think that such behavior is appropriate. Especially, if you're newlyweds (not that it ever is). This is just my opinion, but I think that he should be wanting to spend every moment of the night with you instead of his friends. Now, if he took you along, that would be a different story.

Like others have already mentioned, you really need to sit down with him and explain to him what you will and will not put up with in your marriage and ask him to do the same, as well. I believe that in marriage you have to give and take a little (or a lot, in some cases) until you figure out what works best for the both of you.

I am not sure if I have mentioned this before (I forget what I write most of the time, sorry) but something that has worked wonders for us is allowing ourselves an hour at the end of the day to discuss anything that might have bothered us about eachother during the day. By doing this, we have kept some small, insignificant misunderstandings from developing into a big issue. Sometimes, we don't have a thing to discuss, but it gives us an hour to concentrate on, just, eachother anyway.
And, believe me, when the children enter the picture, an hour dedicated just to each other is priceless.

Just a thought. Good luck. I wish you all the best.

[candyfloss]

dianna832 - have the talk but be prepared to take more offensive action if it doesn't do any good.

Next time he is 'just popping out to visit his friend' smile sweetly and tell him thats cool but you might not be in when he gets back so he should make sure he has a key. THEN let him see you getting ready - yeah HOT CHICK outfit time - and take yourself out even if its just to sit with a friend ALL NIGHT. Trust me once he realizes that you aint about to sit at home waiting for his ***** to come home he will have a WHOLE different take on what is and isnt acceptable for a married couple to do!

[chulatica]

Only you know if this is affecting your marriage?
For me honestly after you get married things change and they should know kiwhat they are getting into after marriage.
Things like that kind of create problems in a marriage. I don't think he would like if you were doing the same thing?
Which would create more problems.
Only you need to choose keep letting him do more damage to your relationship by not leaving his habits or you leaving him.

[dnatej]

I would totally not be ok with this! Let us know how things get after your "talk"! Good Luck!

[Brisa6]

OMG! They all do that! It sucks, even if you want to be cool about it, it feels horrible. Trust me, when you try it he'll have an attack. It's hard to be married, but if you love each other it'll work out.

[Glühbirne]

Personally, I would not approve of behavior like that from my husband.

There is nothing wrong with a married person wanting to hang out with thier friends sometimes and maybe even stay out all night once a year or so......but staying out all night every single weekend is taking it way too far.

He should want to spend some of that time with you. If you are both partiers that like to stay out all night, why not stay out together?

Are any of his friend's married or in relationships? Maybe he's the first to get married so his friends don't understand his situation and pressure him into doing all the stuff they do. Good luck.

[3inmexico]

I'm a married man and I will even tell you that is not acceptable. That's what single life was for.

[discoviking]

I agree. I am a married man, too. Going out with your buddies every weekend is not appropriate. Sounds like he is not fully committed to be a married man. Granted, us guys need a little male bonding time every once and a while, but every weekend? No way.

Once every few months I go ut with the guys after work for a couple of drinks, but will be home no later than midnight, usually earlier. I used to get together with my Land Rover buddies once a year for a week of four wheeling in Utah for some guy time too, but with work commitments and gas prices being what they are now, it's been a couple of years since the last trip. My wife is fine with this, and I am fine with her going out with the girls every once in a while. This has worked for us through 13 years of marriage.

You and your husband has to come to an agreement on what is acceptable for you in your marriage. You don't want to cut each other off from your friends - that will just create mistrust and a controlling atmosphere - but on the other hand, you both have to realize that a marriage is about commitment to each other, teamwork and mutual trust. And the love part too, of course. But, a marriage does not work by itself. It takes a lot of work from both of you to make it successful.

[mandee3911]

our situation is different, when we met and were dating he'd hang out with my everyday and saturdays with his friends. Now we live an hour away from his friends, he usually goes 2 times a month and stays the night. But we do this because of the distance, the road is very dark most of the way and it would be late and i don't like driving and waiting. But usually he goes to sleep by 1am. But him not being able to be around his friends living with me, We've come to compromise as where he goes 1 night every other weekend. Also, I used to get mad and call and he wouldn't answer and turn his phone off and i would get mad, and it made me him stay later. But if i didn't bother him, he'd be the one calling me asking me what i'm doing and where I'm at. I get more of response from him that way.

[Emily]

My husband tried this once. He came home at 4:30 am, and it was the last time he EVER did it again. Let's put it this way, he slept in his car with no blankets nor pillow in the middle of Winter. He learned real quick that I don't play that game.

I agree with everyone else. I think it depends on if your ok with him arriving home at 8 am, and since you say your not then he needs to know your not ok with it. If he continues to do this even after you discuss it with him then take drastic steps. He needs to know your not going to tolerate this crap. He needs to respect you enough to listen to your concerns, and not let your concerns go in one ear and out the other. His statements about you not needing to worry, and to just go to sleep is just plain wrong. He's just giving you the run -around.

I could not handle my husband doing this every weekend. I have to admit your a stronger women then me, because my hubby would be one dead man, lol.

[discoviking]

Now we live an hour away from his friends, he usually goes 2 times a month and stays the night. But we do this because of the distance, the road is very dark most of the way and it would be late and i don't like driving and waiting. But usually he goes to sleep by 1am.
This seems like a different situation alltogether. You know where he is, and it's safer to stay over at his buddy's place than to drive home on a dark road in the middle of the night - -when he probably have had a few drinks. If this arrangement works for you, I see nothing wrong with it.

[dianna832]

hey guys!! the talk didn't go so well... :cry: I offered to make an arrangement on how he goes out but he gave me the excuse that I am taking away his rights for freedom.... we didn't get mad the first time. but I said to myself.. if you don't get to an agreement this is never going to end... so i kept pushing. We were suppose to go to sams, but one of his friends called and he HAD to go over there to buy them beer and take it to them... oh helll nooo. I got mad and we ended up coming home. Then it got uglier.. I talked to him clearly and he told me that if I wasn't comfortable that I could leave... but he told me not to forget and say goodbyes to his mother and sister.. He told his mom that I wanted to talk to them.. and when she came in I told her that he wanted me to leave... she got on my side.. and thats when he broke down. He told her that I would get mad about everything and that she didn't know how I was blah blah.. got really ugly.. said he was really trying to change.. that I didn't see him when he was single because he use to go out everydayy and that it has been a big difference except I don't notice it... ahhh.. were not talking right now.. he's mad at me for telling him all his truths.. but oh well.. im not that sad anymore because I know that this is just a step to his change.. I know that once he thinks about it, he will realize what he is doing:sad: :(

[Emily]

Dianna,
He's making it to be all about how bad you are to him, but thats not even the case. He managed to change the subject to be about you instead of him. It's good that his mom took your side, that always helps. I sure hope you and him can come to some kind of arrangement, because what's currently happening isn't healthy for any of you.

I'm so sorry he's being such a pig right now. Hopefully he will see the error of his ways very soon.

[discoviking]

You are not taking away his rights for freedom. He was free in his choice to marry you. With that choice comes responsibilities. There is no 'I' in 'us'.

[mandee3911]

I agree, when you get married it shouldn't be about him. I have trouble with that sometime. My hubby can't drive, so unless i want to stay and wait around i let him go hang out, but there should be a limit. I would be mad if he still went out every weekend. but i also know how hard it is to put your foot down when they act like that and said "fine go ahead and leave" its like thats not what you want you just want them to understand. Its tough, I don't think our situation would've been better if we were still in the same city as his friends.

[Dorothea]

You are not taking away his rights for freedom. He was free in his choice to marry you. With that choice comes responsibilities. There is no 'I' in 'us'.

The men that hang out with us on this website are really some of the smartest ones around:thumbup:

Dianna, I'm sorry it didn't go so well. But stick to your guns. Him staying out all not is not acceptable, and it's not adult. He's a married man now, so it's time he grew up a little bit. My husband and I have struggled with this issue at some points, him not wanting to grow up, but he's being punished for that now, and he's learning bit by bit that being an adult and making adult decisions really does make sense.
You aren't asking your husband never to go out, you're just asking him to respect you and come home at a decent hour. Respect is the key.

[JennyM]

OMG, he is trying to change the tables on you. I would lock him out of the house if he did that crap. I remember my hubby did this in the beginning and he straightened up real quick espically when I told him to get his S%%^ and leave! You have to hold your ground or he will walk all over you. I know my MIL and my BIL would kill my husband if he did anything stupid! :) (I love it!) I let my hubby go out when he wants, which usually isn't often, but at least he gets a break from me....When he married you, he is not SINGLE! and he shouldn't act like it.

[lgatica06]

Coming in on this a little late. My husband used to like to go play cards with his friends all the time. I mean every freaking night. It caused alot of anger in our relationship and I bluntly told him that if he wanted to be single again I could make it happen. He changed his tune and even tells his friends now that he can't go cause his wife won't let him. Am I controlling, yes to a point cause his "so-called" friends are bad news, hence the reason that 4 of the 6 of his friends are now in jail and being deported.

[discoviking]

I bluntly told him that if he wanted to be single again I could make it happen.
I like that. Blunt is the key with us guys. We do not read between the lines well, so you have to spell things out for us sometimes.

[latinsoulmate]

been there, done that...
The limits you set now are the foundation for your lives together. Thus far, he hasn't had any and thinks that it is OK. You are right about settling this matter know or it will be a wedge between the two of you that will eventually drive you apart.
He will squirm & wiggle but stand your ground. It takes a little while for the single mentality to cross over to the married one:D *

[Nepthys]

Not okay with me! My husband and I had issues in the beginning as well. We both already had children and I just told him if he wanted to be a family he needed to be home. I was not his live in babysitter for his son. His was more going to his buddies after work every single day and not coming home until dinner then wanting to go out to play pool. I just put my foot down. We do not go out unless we go out together. Granted he has been taking many liberties since he has been in Mexico but that is anther issue and has caused many issues for us.

[mpls-mexico]

I am glad you were able to talk to him but I am sorry that it didn’t turn out too well. The most important thing is to stick to what you believe and be strong because this is your life and you don’t want to live one that makes you unhappy. Unfortunately us humans can’t “change” other people. We can only change ourselves. I’ve said this to my husband before -- I can’t change you but I can change my situation which could mean that if we can’t come to a compromise I will change my living situation.

Compromise and healthy conversation is key. I really liked how a previous poster mentioned that at the end of the day they dedicate an hour to talk about things. Pure brilliance. I think we’ll institute that too. There are so many things that carry over and all of a sudden it started out that someone didn’t do the dishes but it really is about the fact they go out too much.

In our marriage we have agreed that each person has the opportunity to go have a girls/guys night out once a week. We’ve talked and agreed as to what that means (places, times, etc.) And so far it has worked out pretty well. There are times when someone gets angry but we talk about it and try to tweak the system so that person doesn’t feel slighted in the future. But that is us and obviously there are people who wouldn’t want that system.

One other thing I noticed after we were married…most of my husband’s friends were single and the peer pressure was out of control. They’d be saying things like “andale guey…echate otra”, etc. If he has single friends he’ll either need to make the choice to go home to his wife or stay out. In my opinion you can’t be single and married at the same time. And ultimately, you’ll need to decide how you want to react to his choices.

Marriage is work. It never ends but can be very rewarding if both parties are willing to work on it.

[liley99]

Diane,

I am sorry that you are going through this, I at one time when I was a lot younger, my actual first boyfriend did that. But ended up splitting up because he was doing things he shouldn't be!

Well I am married now and have been with my husband for 5 years. There was definitely an understand in the beginning because like others have said I could not stand for that, he would find the doors locked and the alarm on with a different code, heheheh!

I am sorry your talk didn't go okay, but if he turned the tables on you and told you to get out that is a little serious to me, which means maybe he is not feeling the whole marriage thing, not sure how old you guys are but you look young, and maybe he wasn't ready for the whole marriage situation. I hope that everything works out but try and be strong and keep your self-respect high, because if you don't stand strong in what you believe then he will not take you serious and continue to do it. I wish you the best in your situation.

Stay strong it will either work out or you will realize you deserve better, GOOD LUCK! Big hugs!

[carlosalica]

I had an ex, that did that, every other day he would go drink with his "friends." Ha ha... what friends?? Sure sometimes he went with his friends, but after he died I found out it wasn't just with friends. I don't know exactly how many girls, I don't really care anymore, but I know it happened.
I have learned so much from that relationship. the number one thing i remembered in looking for another man: if he does it when you're dating don't expect him to change. Don't fall in love with potential!! If there are some things that your mate would never change, you have to be able to say that you are happy with that. I fell in love one time thinking, well if he only changed this, or such things as oh when we have a baby it will change, he'll come home, it DOESN'T change!! My ex had 3 prior dui's he died driving drunk on his way home.

[J3NNI]

He did go out before but not as much... he invites me to go with him but they are only guys, and that's uncomfortable for me... and if I do go, he doesn't want me to tell him that I want to go home... uggg.

Here here, give him a time to be back and if he is drinking say you can drop him and pick him up. you are both really young or what? if you are young this is normal he just has to get use to married life and growing up. Set up some rules. Like my husband last weekend went to his friends for poker and had to be back by @1am i called him at 12 and said honey its getting late and i am waiting for you so we can go to bed, made sure he was not drunk and if so told him to stay the night because we have 4 kids and i am not about to load them up. He was good he stopped drinking an hour before i called and drank slow before that. Play the i miss you card, it works for me. He only goes out once in awihle now though because he has grown up. Guys are hard headed
Jenni

[dianna832]

Thanks for all your support guys...

I have mentioned to him how I think that what he wants is to be single.. but he says it's not that, that it was way worse when he was single and that I'm not giving him credit for his efforts. Most of his friends aren't married and are up to no good kinda friends, and like mpls said I do think that peer pressure plays a part. Saturday when he went out until 8 am I was talking to him on the phone rogandole to come home but then this one guy takes the phone from him and tells me: I don't think it will be bad if he stays a little while longer, we are talking about something IMPORTANT. What really ticked me off first was the fact that he thinks problems in a marriage are not important.. what would he know!! he;s not married... and second that he had the guts to actually imply to my husband that their stuff is more important than me... what kind of friends are that?? I asked my husband the next day what was it that was so important and you're not going to believe what he said: Some guy got his shoes dirty :gaah:



I feel really bad that I made him cry yesterday and that he doesn;t even want to talk to me now.. this is our first BIG fight :crying: and I want to hug him but I must stay strong through this.

Btw--- we are both in our early 20s.

Ugghh,.. I forgot my lunch at home!! :(

[JennyM]

see...that is when I would tell him to go live with his friends until he wanted to be a husband...

[Adriane]

If you were to do the same thing, would that be alright with him? Sometimes my husband goes out with friends, without me, or I'll go out with friends, without him, and yes, sometimes we have been out very, very late. So I don't think you can categorically say that it's never okay. But ever weekend is excessive (definitely twice a week.) When are the two of you going out all night together?

[Torres]

It would not be o.k. with. me I wouldn't mind if he did something durning the day like a football game, Fishing, going to a car race etc. but not going out and coming home in the a.m.

[mpls-mexico]

I imagine it is hard to see someone cry especially if you haven’t before. It tugs on the heartstrings. But you DO need to stay strong because was he feeling bad for you when you were at home worried about him?

Peer pressure by single men to their married friends can be ridiculous to deal with. I’ve seen it in action many times and despite people saying “no” it just keeps going and going. Personally, I wouldn’t be friends with people like that but to each their own. Most often I think the root of the issue is the single guys are jealous that their married friend has a person at home that cares and loves them. Most of the single people just go home to an empty bed that doesn’t care what time they arrive. HOWEVER, he is an adult and should be able to deal with the peer pressure.

[Theresa]

Of course, if I did it, it would be a no no!!! He says it won't but that's because he knows I won't do it!!


Well maybe its time you SHOW him u will do it. Some men actually listen its rare but they are out there. Then you have the other 95 % that cant hear for some strange reason for these 95 % we women actually have to do show them we mean business.

thats my 2 cents

[jeannie]

Well maybe its time you SHOW him u will do it. Some men actually listen its rare but they are out there. Then you have the other 95 % that cant hear for some strange reason for these 95 % we women actually have to do show them we mean business.

thats my 2 cents
Yes, threatening does not work. You gave up the single life to be married,how come he does not have to? How is this working out for you?Where is your self respect. Put your foot down and go get it back!

[discoviking]

Some men actually listen its rare but they are out there..

It's actually a little more complicated than that. Men and women communicate differently:

Snipped from http://www.growmymind.com/communication/men-women-communicate-differently.htm

COMMUNICATION DIFFERENCES
In addition to these differing needs, men and women have different ways of and motives for communicating. Both, of course, use communication as a means to express needs, prove they are right and affirm their self-worth. Whatever we will say here is of course a generalization and there will be numerous exceptions.

Studies have shown, however, that women use communication in order to create an emotional connection or bond. Thus the communication itself is the purpose. Men seem to perceive communication as a means towards some result such as solving a problem.

Thus, we often have the situation in which a woman will start a conversation about a subject, not because she wants a solution but because she experiences a connection through the communication itself.

The man however, feels that communication has only one purpose, to arrive at a conclusion or solution and then there is no more need to communicate. Thus the universal problem that women feel men are aloof and men that women are interrogators.

MEN DO NOT FEEL COMFORTABLE TALKING ABOUT EMOTIONS
If they are talking about the woman's emotions, then they are likely to feel that they are to blame and are being criticized since the woman is not happy. If a woman expresses an emotion, she usually wants recognition of that fact that she feels that way.

The man usually does not realize this and seeks in the least possible words to convince her that there is no reason for her to feel this way. He seeks a solution. She then loses her vehicle of connecting.

If she wants to talk about his emotions, it is even worse. First of all he seldom knows what his emotions are. He has been trained a whole lifetime to suppress, hide or shut off what he is feeling.

Secondly, even if he has some awareness of what he feels, he feels totally demeaned if he has to admit that he feels self-doubt or fear. Men in general do not like to admit their fears or weaknesses.

All of the above are of course generalizations, and there will be exceptions. We have here a serious problem in communication in which each sex will need to understand the other.

WE NEED TO UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER
Women need to understand that when men are aloof or do not communicate their feelings and thoughts, it is often simply because they function differently and not because they do not love their love partner. They experience unity, not so much through words but rather through action, such as working to make money and take care of the family.

Men on the other hand need to understand that women need to generate feelings of unity and love through verbal communication. Men need to acknowledge women's feelings rather than find reasons why they shouldn't have them.

[liley99]

When it comes to that some guys do find it better to be around the guys, especially if that is what he is use to! But he does have to realize that you are there, and he needs to spend some time with you kicking back! If he wants to kick it with the guys then why can't some of them come to the house? Why must he always go there.

Secondly, why did he allow the other vato to take the phone and tell you something. That is so disrespectful, sorry I take this type of stuff personal.

But Ma I wish you the best, and I know relationships are hard, if you love him keep working at it, if not then you know what has to be done!

I hope he changes and see's the light, good luck!

[tasksgirl]

I haven't read the whole thing, but if you aren't ok with it, and if you have talked to him about it, he knows how you feel, and he STILL does it.. then I would say it is a problem..

Has he always been this way? Maybe he feels really paranoid because he is in removal precedings? Maybe he feels desperate to spend time with friends/cousins etc. ..

[tasksgirl]

Peer pressure by single men to their married friends can be ridiculous to deal with. I’ve seen it in action many times and despite people saying “no” it just keeps going and going. Personally, I wouldn’t be friends with people like that but to each their own. Most often I think the root of the issue is the single guys are jealous that their married friend has a person at home that cares and loves them. Most of the single people just go home to an empty bed that doesn’t care what time they arrive. HOWEVER, he is an adult and should be able to deal with the peer pressure.

:ditto:

[dianna832]

Thank you everyone for all you're advice!!

I have an update: As you may have read he wasn't talking to me after our discussion and then yesterday morning he left without a word and without my gooday kiss :( ... once I got home yesterday I didn't say a word.. I was in bed all afternoon, but he would come in once in a while to ask questions. Did you pay this, are you going to eat? etc etc... Obviously he wasn't mad anymore and wanted to reconcile. I did not give in and didn't hold a conversation with him. He even laid down in bed while I watched la novela, that even made it more obvious!! jaja... I woke him up went it was lights out time and he told me to hug him. We just laid there hugging each other and didn't say a word until we fell asleep. This morning he was ok and gave me my gooday kiss. I didn't mention anything about our fight and don't plan to do so only in the case that he didn't learn his lesson!

[JennyM]

Maybe he can pass the test! you'll see in 3 days.