I am SOOOO PO'd! My poor daughter!

[KE06]

I'm sorry this is so long, but it is so sad, and you know us mama's....Mess with our babies and the fight is on! I am so mad! My 6 year old daughter is the most beautiful intelligent little girl and her father is too stupid to know it or even care! I'm gonna tell what happened today...and yesterday, but I also need to go back and tell a little history. She called him from my mom's (she has spent the week there during the day for Spring Break while I work) yesterday and he told her he would come see her for a little while (I'll explain why he has to come see her in a minute) and that today he would come get her and take her to Swan Lake (just a really pretty park we have here) an out to eat. He was supposed to come see her by 5:45 yesterday. My mom said she kept asking her "Is it time?" and finally at like 7:20 when he hadn't shown up, my mom let her call him. My mom said it was the most gut-wrenching, heart-breaking thing listening to her on that phone. She said he obviously told her he wasn't coming, and my poor baby was about to burst into tears, saying "Okay Daddy" and "But I made you something, Daddy". She said that even a person, not a parent, who had any heart would have come straight to that child hearing her breaking like that. Anyway, when she go off the phone, she fell apart. My mom is a great talker, and she calmed her down, and loved her up. Well, she asked me all night if she could go with him today. I have issues about it because I don't like the fact that he has basically ignored her for almost a year, and other things which I will explain in a minute, but I had a heart-to-heart with my mom, and I know that it's not my place to try to make her see what a jerk he is, and that right now, she needs to feel some love from him. Also it is very hard on her that my husband is gone and that is making it worse. Also, in the past, she has gone through this with the jerk, and once she sees him, she is fine, and not so interested anymore, she just seems to need him to reassure her that he loves her. So today, when I picked her up, first question. "mommy, did you think about it?" I handed her my cell and told her "go ahead and call your daddy baby." I was afraid of what would happen because he didn't call me to make any arrangements. But this is not a typical easily distracted child. Getting her away from the subject would not happen. She was so happy. He answered and she was even happier. I wish I could describe her voice when she said "Hey Daddy!" It was just pure sweet 6 year old happinnes and innocence. She asked if they were going and immediately she was crying. She was trying so hard to be tough. She said "But I wanted to go today" Then she said "mama, daddy said he tried to call you earlier and now it's too late" I said "swan Lake closes at dark and you eat supper at night, right?" you repeated that to him, but he didn't care. She was crying so hard. She had to tell him to hold on, and she told me that the sorry SOB was at a party (at 5 flippin 30!) and it was going to take all night! And that he told her he would go tommorrow. She was in the backseat so I couldn't get to her, but i just wanted to hold her so bad. She got off the phone with him and when we got home she was so sad. She tried to be tough, but the tears were off and on. I bought her a cute little pair of boots today (thank goodness!) and I gave them to her, and she tried hard to like them, she really did. I went in the bathroom and she came in to show me the pants she put on with the boots and when she went out, I heard her just burst into tears outside the door. My hubby was on the phone and I told him and she came back in and told me "mommy I'm just so sad that my daddy didn't come for me." I just about lost it. I picked her up and sat on my bed with her. She clung to me crying and cried so much her little head was hurting. She laid down and my husband told me to put the phone to her little ear. She had tears pouring down her cheeks and he talked to her telling her how much he loves her, and she is his little girl forever, and he will never forget her. The tears stopped and her little eyes finally closed and she fell asleep. But now I am crying! I am so mad! This jackass! See, he is basically a bum, a lot older than me, I refuse to say he was a bad choice that I made because I got my angel out of that marriage, but he did not turn out to be what I thought he was, so the marriage only lasted 3 years. Anyway, he moved in with his current girlfriend a little over a year ago and she has three kids, one of which at the time was 8...a boy. Well, she was very good to my daughter...i thought, so I had no problems with her going there. Then my baby tells me that they are putting her to bed in the room and bed with the 8 year old boy. (My daughter was 5 then) I had a fit. This just is not appropriate to me. I told them that would not continue if they wanted to see her...the woman has a 4 bedroom house for goodness sakes! The oldest child moved out! Anyway, In May of last year, my little angel finally, over the course of about a week, revealed that this little ******* had done or at least tried to do, everything that could be done to her. Sadly, she still thinks he is her friend (although I assure you she has not seen him since that time!) We went through the whole exam (she was okay) police report, counselor thing and it is all on record (And confirmed)...this is why she can't stay overnight with him AT THAT HOUSE....and he does not care enough to get out and get his own place so he can keep his baby. For 6 weeks after I told him what happened he did not call or have any contact with her. She cried every day for the first 4 weeks. Then after 6 weeks he calls me and says " I wanted to pick her up today" I flipped out! In may of last year she and I went to MX to meet the in-laws and her happiness returned, her little spirit lifted, all of that "episode" seemed forgotten. But ever since then, getting him to pay her attention is like pulling teeth. I know once she sees him, she will be okay, she just needs that little reassurance right now. My first instinct is to go to court, fix it where he can't see her, but at this point that will hurt her worse. I know some may not agree, but all kids are different, ya' know? I wish he'd drop off the face of the earth personally, but for her, that's not fair. My husband loves her, but she still needs to know that her "father" does too. The bum got in an argument with his boss and quit his job so he owes 9 weeks of child support, but I would trade that for my little girl not hurting! I'm sorry to go on and on, but this is so tough. It's been a long year (almost) watching her hurt

[fernandez's]

I AM SO SORRY THAT IS AWFUL I WANT TO CRY TOO:cry:!!! YOUR POOR BABY SHE WOULD BE BETTER OFF WITHOUT HIM...AT LEAST SHE HAS YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND I AM SURE SHE WILL REALIZE WHAT A PIECES OF S*** HER DAD IS AND THAT SHE HAS 2 GREAT PARENTS THAT LOVE HER LOTS...I CAN ONLY HOPE HE STARTS THINKING ABOUT WHAT IS BEST FOR HIS CHILD INSTEAD OF PUTTING HER THROUGH ALL THIS.

[Cfloresgirl]

When my first husband and I split up..he ignored our daughter too.She would cry and cry and yes my heart would break.You and your husband are doing the best for her just by loving her as much as you do.
Give it time and your daughter will unfortunately find out for herself the kind of man her dad is.
My daughter is now almost 16(in June) and looks back and sees for herself the type of man he was then and now says she never wants to put her future children in that position...her relationship with him has imporved over time but by no means is perfect.
You sound like an awsome mom..so does your mom..you guys are doing all you can for her.

[TorresSanchezKing]

:hug: I wish there were something brilliant to say, but I have no clue how to fix this. I can't imagine how frustrating this must all be, but go you for sticking up for your daughter and putting her needs first. Because like all moms, you're ready to kill the guy. I wish you the best of luck with the situation!

[aprilstorm]

:bluesad: I'm so sorry. It breaks my heart.
You and your husband are awesome parents!!! Never forget that!!!

[tasksgirl]

Oh gosh.. I don't have kids yet but that made me cry :( that was so sweet how your husband talked to her on the phone.. when you said about trying to do things to her you meant the little boy ???? not the dad !! right?

[angela256z]

He sounds like my nephews dad. I am sorry your little girl and you are going through this. Have you tried getting a parenting plan?

[JennyM]

That sound like my mother...my mother left when I was 5 and I saw her every other weekend until she got her "new" family and disowned me and then at 15, I moved in with her and she treated me like a slave....that lasted for 6 months...anyway...it happens...and its sad...I never had a mother, maybe that is why I've never been caddy.

[KE06]

Thanks everybody. She is awake now, and asked me a few minutes ago if she would be here at home or at Grandma's tommorrow for when her Daddy picks her up... "cause he said he's coming tommorrow to get me" UGH!!!!!!!!
TASKS - Absolutely, the little boy, it it were her dad, I'd probably be in prison right now.
Can you guys believe, that I tried to sit them both down and discuss it calmly with them and she (the mom) would not speak to me?! I am concerned (as were the counselor/interviewer from the Sherif's Dept. and the Investigator) that this child that age knew to do these things (and it is VERY graphic..like I said, it took over a week for her to tell it all) I'm afraid someone has hurt him. But they are not interested! It's crazy!

[KE06]

That sound like my mother...my mother left when I was 5 and I saw her every other weekend until she got her "new" family and disowned me and then at 15, I moved in with her and she treated me like a slave....that lasted for 6 months...anyway...it happens...and its sad...I never had a mother, maybe that is why I've never been caddy.

I'm so sorry you went through that. It is so unfair. Children need relationships...GOOD ones with both parents, whether they live with them or not.

[Pooh79]

KE I completely understand. My daughter's father was the same way for years. He just started getting more interested in her now that she is older but before she would go weeks without seeing him and one year he didn't even call for her birthday or Xmas. He has always been timely with child support as it is taken out of his check. But I would have traded all that money for him to just show some interest. She was hurting during that time. It's just the worst thing you can go through seeing how they continue to let them down and what can we do? I hope he gets his act together.

HUGS.

[J3NNI]

Yes i think it is too hard on her to have false promises from him, you need to have a talk with him and arrange a time and day he has to see her otherwise if he cannot seem to do that then he really does not care, some guys are just bums and have no feelings towards their children. your poor little angel she has really had a rough time and he should not make it even worse.
Jenni

[Emily]

I agree you need to have a talk with him, and if things can't be agreed upon then it is your responsibility to protect your daughter. If he can't keep a promiss to see her, and is always making plans and then not following through then he should not have any contact with her what so ever.

I know you don't want to cause your daughter any more pain by taking him to court BUT him not following through is even worse then the pain that would cause. It's damaging to your childs spirit and self confidence. Each time she calls him, and he agrees to see her raises your daughters spirit, and increases her self worth. Each time he fails to follow through is damaging your childs well being, and is drastically damaging her.

I know it is hard, believe me i've been through it. Things will get better but it may be time to take drastic step so your daughter suffers no more.

[tasksgirl]

The next time he stands her up you should try and take her out somewhere special so she won't feel so sad :(

[KE06]

I agree that there needs to be some definate "rules" set, for her well-being. I can't stand seeing her go through this. And it's odd, she doesn't seem too concerned about him a lot of the time, but sometimes, she just gets obsessed. I think it is so bad right now because of my husband going out of town to work. When he first left, after about a week, he would ask to talk to her and she would put her hands over her ears, or walk way and finally I asked her why. She just looked at me so matter of factly and said "Because if I don't hear his voice, or see him (I guess she meant pictures) then it will be easier to forget, and it won't be so hard when he forgets me" Whoa! I told my husband, and he really wanted to talk to her but she still resisted, then like two days later while I was on the phone with him, she told me to tell him what she had said. I told him again, like I hadn't before. She gradually started making funny noises for him to hear, then let me put the phone on speaker and they made noises back and forth, then she let him actually talk to her. He reassured her that he would NEVER forget her, and that he is working to make a good life for us, because he loves us.
Get this! The boots I bought.... She doesn't like them now. They are SO her. I tried hard to figure it out. She even put them back in the box! Well, I was looking at her a while ago, and it hit me... remember I told you, she is.....well, different... I asked her "DO you not like the boots because they remind you of today being a bad day for you?" Bullseye! She looked at me so sad and nodded yes. Oh yeah, now I could really beat him up! :(

[KE06]

The next time he stands her up you should try and take her out somewhere special so she won't feel so sad :(

Yeah, we'll go to the movies tommorrow. I'm not sure how I'll pay for it yet, but I'll figure that out. I'ts worth some small sacrifice. We took her to her first movie The Spiderwick Chronicles like a week after it came out and she loved it. I think if there is anything juvenile enough on that is what we will do! :thumbup:

[jeannie]

F'n jerk! What a loser! I am so sorry that you are going through this. Hang in there. I know it is tough.Your daughter is so lucky to have a mom like you. Where the f was he when these things were being done to her? You trusted him because he is the father. That is just what any mother would do,so it was his responsibility. My heart breaks for this child because my daughter is 7,She cried once for her real dad and I explain to her that some dad's were just not meant to be dads.But I feel sorry for him because when she brings home good grades and rewards or makes cute things. He doesn't get to see any of that. When he is old ,that it going to be the one thing in his life that he regrets. And when your daughter is older she'll remember what a wonderful mom you are. And your wonderful husband who did know how to be her father.

[Gonzalez]

Reading your post, I am crying. I don't have children yet, but want to assure you that you and your husband are the doing the best thing that you can for her. She needs reassurance from a man figure that she's important to them and loved. She's looking to her dad for that and not receiving it. What a blessing to have a husband like you do that would talk to her and tell her how much he loves her. He said the magic words that allowed her to sleep. Keep up the good work and making your children your priority!

[Christabel]

Well, I was looking at her a while ago, and it hit me... remember I told you, she is.....well, different... I asked her "DO you not like the boots because they remind you of today being a bad day for you?" Bullseye! She looked at me so sad and nodded yes. Oh yeah, now I could really beat him up! :(

AWW!! :( :(

Your daughter is obviously a very sensitive, very sweet little girl. She is lucky to have a mom like you who understands her!

[sam1010]

Try to take her with you and exchange the boots. Let her pick out what she wants.. I think that will make her feel so much better. Good luck to you. You are such a strong mother to deal with all of this.

[KE06]

Her first question this morning was "Can I still go to Swan Lake with my Daddy?" I did tell her yes, if he calls. He did call at like 11:30 and asked what was she doing. I said "waiting for you to call" He said he wanted to take her to the park and to eat. I asked "are you actually going to show up this time?" He just said yes. He said he'd come in about 30 minutes. Keep in mind this is 11:30. I asked what tim he'd bring her back because I have some plans with her today. He said.....(remember, it's 11:30, he's picking her up in about 30 minutes, then going to the park and to eat...) 1:30! So if he got here by 12, he would have her home in an hour and a half?! Well, she went and sat in yard swing and waited for him. When she couldn't hear me, I told him, that if he couldn't keep his word, don't contact her. He broke her heart two days in a row and she deserves better. He just says I know. At 12:15, she called him and said "Daddy, 30 minutes was over 10 minutes ago" (she's got a little spunk) He didfinally get here at like 12:30. She told me before she left "I'm gonna tell him about my little red face last night!"
And the boots....I was looking at kids clothes on Ebay last night, and there was the cutest little black tank top with rhinestones on it, and she climbed up on my lap and said "Wow, that would look so good with my new boots!" and jumped down, went and got them and put them on. Then she wanted to look for more to go with them. I guess she just needed some time. We are supposed to have "Mommy/daughter time" today and go shopping to see if we can find her a little blue jean "mini"skirt (her words) and a black shirt like the ebay one to match her boots. Go figure.

[djones9714]

I am sorry your daughter is going through this. It is hard and definitely hard on you to see what hurt she is feeling and knowing that you can't take her hurt away for her. I am glad he at least showed up today -- that might help a little. But what about the next time that he breaks her heart. I could literally kill him.

I am so glad that you are such a great mom and are there for her. In the long haul, she will appreciate that and unfortunately due to her age, she will remember all of this and it definitely will come back to haunt your ex at some point.

I will be glad when your husband comes back home so she will actually feel like a family again.

[KE06]

Well,she's home. She brought me bunches of flowers that she picked at the park. She called me twice while she was gone the whole 2 hours and 15 minutes. Anyway, the important thing is she feels better. She will probably be good for quite a while now. She just needed her "fix".

[RMJM30]

Wow KE06 reading your post really brought tears to my eyes. I have two children from a previous relationship. My son was 1 year old and I was 2 months pregnant with my daughter when I last saw their dad. My children are now 9 and 8 and they have never met their father or seen him. I was blessed to have met my husband and have someone that loves them even though their biological dad never so much cared for them. Even if he would have demonstrated interest in them it would have been very difficult for me to let him have any part in their lives. He would have been a part time dad big times. That is why I never asked for child support or nothing. I did not want to force him to try and be a dad. That is something that should come from within. My daughter is getting at an age where she questions things about where was her now dad when she was born. How come she doesn't have the same last name as us and so forth. If we can get over this immigration nightmare we look forward to my husband adopting them and they carry his last name. I wish you best of luck with your daughter and her dad. I hope thinks work out for her benefit in the end.

[YRuth]

Your story brought tears into my eyes. I can't believe that her own biological father is hurting her. He is not worth it, and I wish you and your daughter the best.

Good Luck, my prayers are with you.

[2004mms]

Oh, I am so sorry that your daughter is having to deal with all of that (not to mention YOU, as well). I will never understand how some parents can care less about the pain that they inflict on their children. I am so sad, angry and extremely frustrated after reading this thread.

If the father does not change his behavior, you really do need to consider getting him out of the picture. Yes, it will hurt her a lot, but she is still young and will recover with all the love and support that you will provide for her. I, seriously, believe that if he keeps letting her down like that, she will begin to think that his behavior is normal and believe that it is okay for promises to be broken. Furthermore, later in life she might allow her significant other to treat her the same way.

Consider meeting with her father and explain your concerns and his alternatives if he chooses not to correct his behavior. For God's sake, this is his daughter! He needs a wake up call! Plus, you might be suprised if he was to tell you that he does not care. I have a friend who ended up with a stepdaughter that neither the biological mother nor her, now, ex-husband wanted after the divorce. Thank God that she is truly a caring and compassionate individual. She raised and loved that little girl as if she had given birth to her.

Although, painful at first, it is sometimes better to experience some pain now and not the rest of your life.

I know this from experience. My mother put up with way too much from my father believing that we would suffer if she left him and deprived us from having our father around, but little did she know that we were suffering far more by being around him. She has regretted staying with him as long as she did.

I am sorry, I am angry and just can't stop. What really ticks me off is that he treats his daughter this way after what his stepson did to her! Any normal father would have tried to strangle that kid (at least) after doing something like that. Not to mention, probably ending the relationship with his mother, as well. Are they married and have any children together? Because, how can you look at the person who tried to hurt your daughter (even if he is a child), let alone live with him?!

And I, completely, agree with you. That boy needs help. Someone has abused him in the past. Sexual abusers have been (almost always) victims themselves. I am appalled that his mother is not willing to look into what caused his behavior and, even worse, get him some psychological help. People like these do not deserve to be parents.

Ugh!!! I need to stop. I am very sorry. I really hope that everything works out for the best with your daughter. It would be awsome for her father to start being a parent but, if not, at least she has a loving and supporting mother and will soon have her loving and supporting stepfather, as well. May God bless you and thank you for being a true mother to your child.

[KE06]

I really appreciate everyone's words of support. I look at this little angel every day and am so thankful for her. I have been really sick for a week...finally went to the Dr today and he says it's a respitory infection, anyway, I told her I'd take her to get a shirt and stuff to match her boots Saturday but I felt so bad. I asked if we could go Sunday. Oh no way, not a chance! She told me "But you promised!" I got so aggravated that her dad makes empty promises and she gets sad but just waits like a poor little puppy for the next one, but I'm dog sick and she wouldn't let me off the hook. But I understand the difference. Please don't misunderstand. I understand the difference in what she needs from each of us. I did find out too, that not only did she call me twice during that long hour visit Saturday, but she also called my mom. :) Now that she got that little bit of attention, she is just fine.

2004mms - I agree, I can't imagine even staying in that house with the woman and that child, but that is the kind of person he is. They are not married.

Again, thanks everyone.

[Sabrina022203]

I am so sorry you and your daughter have to go through this. This makes me so mad becuase you are willing to let him see her. My brother wants to see his daughter more and the mother is not letting him. It is guys like your ex that gives good guys like my brother a bad name!!